Wednesday, December 30, 2009


We lived a year in another state . We searched for new friends, connections with people who raise there kids the way we do, we wanted to connect with Stephans family and fill that void he had felt for so long .

We made the decision to move back. Did we fail? I sometimes wonder if we had lasted longer where we would be ?

Many dont know this but Stephan and I were ready to seperate while there. There was talk of him staying and me ( pregnant at the time ) leaving with Riaan and coming home . There were fights, there were tears, there was a total lack of connection with his family who seemed to express hurtful feelings towards me that I could never explain .But I cant tell you many details .

Why cant I remeber the details? I look back and cant tell you what the fights were about, or the hurtful things that were said, or why we decided last minute to move back to Washington when I was 34 weeks pregnant .

I wonder really was it so bad? I wanted to come " Home " and realized I came " home " to nothing more then we had in Virgnia.

I am blessed with healthy kids, a happy husband who wants to spend time with his family so why is that I struggle with happiness. I am blessed.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. See synonyms at pity.

I dont pity people when I have compassion for them . I struggle to remember to show and express compassion for those close to me when I can show compassion to strangers without a second guess.

Why is it that our hearts hurt for others we dont know but when it comes to the ones closest to us we forget them? Is it because we dont know others stories? Is it because the resentments and past arguements stop us from showing compassion to the most important people in our lives ? This year that is my goal, my new years resolution if you may .

After living in Virginia for a year, almost seperating from my husband, having a special needs child with learning delays and a very needy baby I want to work on shows and expressing in words my compassion and concern for them.

I want to tell my husband daily, he works hard and I appreciate that he does so I can stay home and raise our children . I want Riaan to know no matter what may or may not be wrong we will figure it out and support him however we can . I want Lyla to be as attached as Riaan is .

Monday, December 28, 2009

Each is there own person

I struggle daily comparing my two children.The good , the bad , the way they do things, and what stages Riaan has passed and Lyla is approaching . Today with everyone sick we are reminded how diffrent my children really are . Riaan has always been a good sleeper, not great but not bad like his little sister. Take this picture for example.

Riaan and daddy are fast a sleep and Lyla is tossing and turning in the back just to decide she wont sleep.

Here is daddy and Riaan just moments ago sleeping there sickness away.

I am sure after Lyla cried for 45 minutes today and slept 3 hours and woke to cry for many more hours she would be snuggled in bed too. But I beg a differ. My cranky baby who wont eat, wont nurse and wants nothing but to cry seems very content tonight on the floor of the kitchen.Dont you agree?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Toy Story

So Riaan's favorite movie, toy, t-shirt right now all is Toy Story themed. We watch Toy Story 1 and 2 every day. He demands the shirts, teh sweatshirt, the pj's. He carries woody around the house and crys if we dont wonder into the disney store at the mall just to stand and look at the Toy Story toys. Before I would think oh how cute a child into a movie, normal right ? But no now I worry is he becoming fixated, is this a sign of autism?

I am thankful to be trying to put aside my concern as our genetics testing came back all normal. THANK GOD ( whatever that means). I feel so thankful and some how in my mind I know someone or something was watching out for our family . I was so scared of this, I was so scared something was so wrong with our child. I mean you cant fix genetics .

We now wait the pediatrician feels comfortable with waiting tell Riaan is 3 to do anymore testing . Now we just need Riaan to start talking .

Friday, December 18, 2009

Lyla Update 8 months

Look at these cool new tricks she has recently started to show us....

She has decided she wants to skip crawling on her hands and knees and it going to go straight to pulling herself up and taking steps. I will tell you this I have never seen any child army crawl as fast as she does . She recently found the love of the bathroom and we cant seem to keep her out of there .

New this week Riaan is loving giving her presents to open because he knows he isnt suppose to but hey really so cute watching them be naughty together !

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Well I dont know what an alpaca is or what one looks like or where they live but I do know this.....

My kiddo's sure look cute in there new hats and matching baby legs from Annabella Knits and they are made from Aplaca which is by far the softest wool I have ever felt.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Winter's Come and Go

This time last year we were knee deep in snow and sweet Riaan wasn't in love with it at all . But this year we are doing nothing but wearing our rain boots and splashing in puddles. I am slightly dreaming of a white Christmas because we will be staying in our cozy own home this year with no where to go but the couch so being snowed in this year wouldn't be so bad .

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Constant Gardner

Have you seen this movie ? I hadn't tell just hours ago.

Besides it starting very slow and me wanting to totally give up on the movie when she looses a full term baby and they show her nursing another baby who's mother is dying...The movie was great.

It wasn't what I was expecting, it was a wonderful movie full of twists and turns and a terribly sad ending but it makes me wonder.

I wonder alot.

About our government, the push for vaccinations and ob's.

Did you know is 1900 more then half of births were home births? Then by 1935 the number decreased to 12.5 %? Do you know why ?

Because the medicine community portrayed midwives as dirty, illiterate, and ignorant and women were convinced that they were safer in the hands of doctors and hospitals.

Birth evolved from a physiological event into a medical procedure.

By the 1960s, these interventions were common in all American hospitals and women were unaware of any other way to give birth (as well as unaware when they were giving birth!). In addition, women were forced to labor without presence or support from partners or family, infants were taken from the mother at delivery and cared for in newborn nurseries, bottlefeeding became the norm, and babies born outside the sterile environment of the operating room were labeled contaminated and kept separately. There was no scientific rationale for any of these procedures; to the contrary, many of them were eventually shown to be harmful.

Did you know we rank 29th place in Infant death ? Why are we so high on this list when our doctors know so much ?

So off topic I KNOW...

The point....

That just like doctors delivery our babies and not midwives and people vaccinating or not we don't know the long term effects of so many things.

So why do we allow it? In the Constant Gardner all these poor people where being used for drug testing and dying. The government was hiding it because it would cost them thousands to fix the problem back in a lab .

For me I think the bottom line is that most people don't really know what's going on . Most people don't question why the formula companies are paying for breastfeeding ads, they don't question why coke-a-cola is Paying millions into our school's ?

They are doing it because they get something out of it . So what is the governement getting out of us vaccinating ? Having our babies in hospitals? Why dont we have more studies done to show how safe VBAC's are ? Why are we still reading medical information for 20 years ago ? Why arent our doctors up to date on all of this information ?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Year without Christmas

The year without christmas was going to be this year! I thought in the middle of night while my daughter had woke for the 8th time maybe this year we wont do christmas. Why bother ? I felt no need for the hussle and bussle of it all. I felt no need of it all. I had no energy or desire so I thought lets boycott christmas.

I want to add my last years of christmas havent been great. Last year we were snowed in my uncles house which wasnt fun. The year before that we spent with my family nothing special nothing to remeber. The year before that we spent all day traveling to Virgina. So you see nothing special. Maybe thats what has me boycotting Christmas the fear my children wont experience something Special on Christmas.

I woke the next day releaved almost to not have to worry about tree's, cookies, decorations and lights. I was almost looking forward to staying at home enjoying a good movie and a can of coke with my family .

That same morning I started to tell people I decided we arent doing Christmas and it doesnt really matter and my kids wont know the diffrence and bla bla bla. Well the reviews were mixed...Some didnt seem shocked..Some didnt care...Some said I was crazy and whats next...Then there was sweet J who loves christmas and already has her christmas tree up ( who's crazy really ? ) and my sweet Stephan who said I couldnt boycott. They said no need to go big and wild but stay sweet and small and enjoy this year for what it is meant to be .

So this year I may get a tree, I may do some gifts, and I may put window stickers up of little elves making toys but what I know I will do...I will stay home enjoying my family, a good movie and drinking a coke just like I wanted to .

Monday, November 16, 2009


So birth is a hard subject for a few reasons-

1.) Emotions run high when we speak about our children and our choices

2.) Everyone has a different expectation and desire

3.) One way is not right for everyone

With this said I have had 2 different experience's-

1.) An emergency c-section a month early, I remember the the emotion of fear, uncertainty and of knowing this was not how I wanted to enter into motherhood.

2.) We planned a home birth VBAC to help heal the emotional pain I had felt of struggling to breastfeed, to care for my baby and most of all just function as a new mother should. We sadly didn't get our home birth, after my water broke and no contractions for 3 days we headed to hospital . I was scared. I had failed to birth the way nature intended. I failed again . After I processed through all of this I accepted going to the hospital but still had my heart set on a VBAC. I was determined to feel the pain, the pleasure and the intensity of birth . I thankfully got my VBAC and labored 14 hours on Pitocin to finally birth a 7 pound 3 ounce little girl who I birthed vaginally.

I am sure you are thinking why are you blogging about this on a random day in November? Well I will tell you a friend of ours decided to have a c-section . She decided against the way nature intended . She for no reason felt that a c-section would be a better choice for her and her baby. I am sad for them . I did try to change her mind ! I will admit I stepped on toes and tried to explain so much stuff to her. Here are just a few reason's elective c-sections aren't the best option in my opinion.

I know some c-sections are amazing gifts to people to save there children and we arent talking about that here. We are talking about choosing an elective c-section just because. I feel like if society didnt scare us into believeing birth is such a scary thing more women would choose to birth vaginally .
1.c-section can be a violation of your body

2.A c-section is also physically damaging. It is a major abdominal surgery.

3.There is a higher risk of blot clots following a c-section than a vaginal birth.

4.Hysterectomy is more common after cesarean.

5. The risk of maternal death is higher.

6.Babies born by c-section are much more likely to have respiratory problems than babies born by vaginal birth.

7.Babies who are born by cesarean section may have a harder time breastfeeding. The first nursing session is almost always delayed and it may be harder for the mother and baby to establish the breastfeeding relationship.

8.Women who have cesareans suffer from more infertility than women who have vaginal births.

9.One in three babies is brought into the world by surgery this is not what nature intended.

10. Even though VBAC's do happen sadly they are few and far between and women who have them have to fight for them so you are in most cases choosing to have more c-sections in the future.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


So Riaan wanted nothing to do with carving the pumpkin we bought.But hey daddy had fun carving it and Riaan warmed up to the idea once he saw he could use a knife !

But Riaan did enjoy painting his own pumpkin.Cant you see the enjoyment in his face.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Yum Prunes

Miss Lyla has decided she is ready!

She has 2 teeth, she army crawls all over the house and recently fell in love with snickers.

She thought it was time to eat some prunes.I am sure your just dying to know how it went . Well take a look and see for yourself.

Monday, October 26, 2009

You Think What?

Yep thats what I was thinking when I read this.

" extremely obese, developmentally delayed 2 year old male"

What the Fuck? Really?

Yep thats what the genetics testing paperwork work said.

I couldnt help myself. I looked at my husband and said..

"Great they think we have a fat retarded kid ?"

I know I know that is mean and terrible for me to say but wow lets kick a mom when she down. I did not need to read that .

Sunday, October 25, 2009

It is amazing...

It is amazing how the little things seem so exciting . Last night it was Riaan saying "more" very clearly after my husband asked him to say " more". Today it was his little sister waking up and him waving and sayinh "HI". With my shock I go Riaan can you say "HI" and he said it ! Maybe I am wrong maybe things are helping, maybe he is learning from the therapy.

Thursday we go into the SSI office to talk about our options. We go in right before our flight for VA. I hope it goes well and they are willing to help pay for more therapy and Riaan's developmental preschool.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Therapy, Evalutation Revisted

Today we had speech therapy as well as we re-evaluated our goals . Thankfully in the 3 months Riaan has started speech his speech has gone from 11 months to 19 months. He is 30 months old.

We discussed we should start working towards preparing him and I for preschool. Work on sharing items. Sitting to read a book at circle time . Practicing standing and waiting . As you remember this is so scary for me . Riaan will be leaving me for 4 days a week for 2.5 hours. For some that may not seem like a lot but he is never away from me . I am scared how he will react. I am scared that they wont be able to nurture his emotions the way I feel like he needs.

Is it possible that I am more scared then he will be ? Probley.

We also discussed SSI! So unknown to me because my child is considered developmentally delayed he can receive SSI every month to help us provide for him . At first the idea of extra money to pay for things seemed so great. It seemed like a great way to provide GF foods, clothing and activities for him. But then it suck in .

What does it really mean ? It is scary to admit something is wrong, if he was just delayed would we qualify ? If he was just delayed he would catch up...What if he isn't just delayed?

Again I am put in the mind set that I am concerned he wont be able to live a normal life..What if he has to be on SSI the rest of his life because he isn't able to live a productive life and hold a job ?

To me accepting this money is like accepting that something is wrong with him .

Then we sit and we play with play-doh, we read stories and we watch tv. He seems like just a normal kid .

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Scary Story

So the other day started like no other day Riaan gets up and turns the tv on as I get myself and Lyla up. Meaning I pee, I brush my teeth and brush my hair. Well the other morning was different . Riaan unlocked the door and walked down our stairs, through the parking lot and heads toward the road. By the time I go out to the living room I see the door wide open, I practically throw Lyla on the floor running in my pj's down the stairs to find Riaan with a man by the road. The man proceeds to tell me to calm down and that he stopped him from going by the road.

On a side note, we live on a very busy road. A road that he could have died on .

After bringing him upstairs I was so scared and shaken I had to call my husband to come home and help with the kids because I couldn't stop crying . I couldn't stop thinking what could have happened. People keep telling me these stories of there kids getting out but it doesn't help to be honest.

The scariest thing of it all, he had no idea!

I tried explaining it and have bought baby proof locks for the door and a chain but nothing can explain how I felt in that moment.

Snicker's for you Snicker's for me

Yep thats right before veggies, before fruit, before any other solid foods...Lyla gets snickers! I was shocked to walk into our kitchen and find Lyla covered in chocolate . Her sweet brother felt she needed to try some yummy chocolate.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Not Me Monday

Well I must say I have been busy doing nothing! This week I didn't...

* take Lyla's diaper off and she didn't poo on the floor and even after scrubbing the carpet her Breast milk poo didn't stain the floor

* Riaan didn't soak through his diaper and we all woke up covered in pee

* I didn't lean over Lyla's britax carseat and my sister didn't say " you know your just stretching your boobs out more !"

* I would never leave the house in the rain in flip flops, not wearing a bra and forgetting to brush my hair

Oh and I cant forget to share this story that is just shameful and I would conduct myself in better manner then this.

We weren't playing at the mall when a little boy lets say 5 comes up shoves Riaan from behind and Riaan falls slams his face on the toy structure and gets a bloody nose. I would never proceed to scream at the mother of this above mentioned child and tell her she needs to watch her kid . She didn't then proceed to sip her Starbucks coffee and tell me kids " do things like this ". I wouldn't then call her a bad name that starts with a "B" threaten to shove that coffee down her throat and then have security tell me calm down before they have to remove me from the mall .

Nope I would behave much better then that .

The mother then wouldn't say her kid didn't mean to and that I was over reacting. While all along Riaan was sitting in the stroller with a bloody nose and Lyla was nursing in my baby carrier.

Blog Party Woot Woot

I wasn't able to join in Lynnette's Last blog party so I am happy to have the time to sit down tonight and join in . Hope you take sometime and hop on over to Lynnette's blog and join in . She has such a great story and heart to share .

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?

My family. My husband is my rock even when he thinks he is letting me down. My kids are the most important thing ever.Everyday I strive to be a better person because of them .

8. Do you sleep in your make up or remove it like a good girl every night?

Um make up ? I don't remember the last time I had time to put any on.

12. What is something you love to smell?

I love the smell of pumpkin spice candles, I buy tons in the fall to last the entire year.

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?

It depends on what, I love expensive 400.00 purses but wear 2.50 old navy flip flops year round. Most of the kids clothes come from sales racks from Gymboree or Oshkosh.

Riaan Update

I have been struggling finding the time to blog, I am not sure if it because I don't have the time or if it is because there is nothing to share. Sadly we aren't having progress.

At 2.5 Years old Riaan doesn't say anything but basic sounds " dada","Ssss","Boi","dis"," all done" ( not very clear)," that" . I am getting more worried. Today at dinner I almost broke down to Stephan and said what if he cant live a normal life ? What if something is really wrong?

I have an appointment for the genetics testing so I guess we now just have to wait. I keep reminding myself he is still little, he still is a baby but it is so hard to remember that when all the children around are speaking .

Today we had a good day, we had no tantrums, we played with play-doh, we watched a movie and ate an otter pop, we had a good pleasant meal out. Then he cried when we got out of the car, he was uncontrollable getting into the house and up the stairs and into the bath. After some yelling, crying he was fine . Before I would have said he was overly tired and we didn't get home tell after 8:00pm but now I think oh that was an autistic behavior or whats wrong with him that he is acting this way ?

I had a women say to me that oh my toddler didn't talk tell 3 and he is fine. Don't worry. But my gut says worry . So tonight that's what I do I worry .

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Weather here nor there

The weather here in Washington is a cold 40 degree's with wind that could blow you away and rain that will soak you. Maybe traveling to a far away long for Halloween wont be so bad. That 60 degree weather sounds perfect to me .

Speaking of Halloween what are you ya'll doing ?

This is what my sweet little girl will be wearing but I havent found the perfect top or head band yet.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Isnt this outfit so cute, my very talented mother in law made it .

Lentil Sasauge Soup

Since going Gluten Free we are eating the same thing over and over again . So I decided we needed to try new things so this week we tried Lentil soup. I will be honest I had little to no faith in myself being able to cook " new " things but I was so happy with this recipe besides the fact it kind of looked like dog food!

1 pound lentils

1.5 pounds pork or beef sasauge

2 onions

2 carrots

2 celery sticks

8 cups chicken broth

salt,pepper and garlic to taste

Brown sausage with onions, add all other ingredients and sit for 4 hours.

Could that have been any easier...nope not for me . I did attempt some GFCF bisquits that actually tasted like dog food so I wont give you that recipe .

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

FaceBook 101

So I am sure everyone has heard of facebook right ? Well I had an interesting debate on my facebook the last few weeks and I felt the need to share .

I posted this link talking about how mild fevers are good for the body, I was not implying if your child is having a seizure or anything else you should just allow it. These are what some people commented.

Jennifer I am constantly trying to explain this!

Judy Yeah!!

Josie yeah...except have you even held your baby while they have a febrile seizure ?? NOT FUN>

Summer Or when your son is approaching brain-frying temperatures.

Roxanne I think that there is resonable temperatures versus not odviously like all other things when it comes to our children it is important to trust our instinct. A small fever at 101 or 102 is diffrent then those mentioned above.

Josie temps spike in a matter of minutes. After having my baby sieze turn blue and stop breathing in my arms i now am VERY careful with temps. Lucky for me all my babies are past the age of three. There is a fine line here though...I would never just let my kids have a fever without VERY closly monitering it...and yes I have all those homopathics in my medicine cabinant but sometimes they just plain don't work. Dye free motrin has it's place.

Kelley Though I doubt you'll be at all interested in what I have to say given our completely different views regarding medicine, here is my 2 cents:

"Fever is not some magical defense against infection. Fever is (usually) caused by the release of certain cytokines as a reaction to many different stimuli, especially infection. There is no evidence that suppression of fever prevents healing."

From Dr. Lipson on Science Based Medicine - here's a link to the whole article if you're interested. It supports everything I have learned in the last year regarding human physiology. ... Read More

Personally, I have tried homeopathic medicine in the past before I had done my research, it was completely useless, and now I know better. I would never recommend the use homeopathic remedies to anyone.

Roxanne There is always a place and time for medicine dont get me wrong but also to many people are to quick to use it when we dont know enough about it.

Josie-How scary for you that happened and I totally agree with you .

Kelley- just because homeopathy didnt work for u doesnt mean it doesnt work for others.If it never worked people wouldnt keep using it . Or is this like vaccine thing as well? everyone just jumped on the wagon ?I also strongly disagree that our instincts betray us like this article u mention says.I also think that it is a shame the author that you posted bashes the other one in such an immature way. On every topic of science there is doctors on both sides . ...

By the way I would really like you to start keeping your 2 cents to yourself on my facebook because it is getting neither of us anywhere .

Kelley consider yourself deleted. you will never have to see a post from me again.

Kelley which is a shame, because I do enjoy many of the links you share, but apparently these issues are too volatile.

Roxanne I am sorry that u feel like that's the answer kelley but it seems u only post on links when u want to disagree with them.

Tessa I second that

Now a little background the women who was argueing her point here has been on my facebook many times letting me know it is wrong we dont vaccinate. She has also posted posts about me being uneducated because we believe diffrently.

Your probley wondering like whats your point ? Well I wanted to point out that we each are entitled to our own opinons, we are all entitled to do with our family as we please and there isnt always a need to point out that you do things diffrently, there is always going to be diffrences between you and others and the best thing to do it to learn from each other so you are educated on both sides.

It Has Been...

Slow with a touch of a nasty cough, sore throat and lots of disney movies . Yes thats right we have been sick . Moms dont really get sick days so I ended up being the sickest but hey Nana ( my mom) came over to help and that is what she did . She cleaned, she cooked and she held an unhappy teething babe.

On a diffrent note we have been making lots of good gluten free treats like snickerdoodle cookies and chocolate chip cookies. Nothing beats cookies and milk on a sick day with a fire.

We had therapy last week at the park and well it went...ok . I mean Riaan was so excited to show R all the cool leafs, toys and rocks. But I am still trying to figure out how this helps him . I am still trying to figure out what guided play means .

This blog is just a little bit of everything ! Hopefully soon we will all feel better and I will be back in action with something better to talk about .

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Breakfast Bars

Laura's Favorite Anytime Cookie

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

3/4 cup raw sugar*
3/4 cup brown sugar*
1 cup almond butter (if you have a nut allergy, you could probably replace with vegan margarine without ill effect)
1 teaspoon vanilla
approximately 2/3 cup applesauce
2 1/4 cups chickpea (or garbonzo, or gram- but not graham) flour**
2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips or dairy-free dark chocolate chunks***
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup raisins
1 cup sunflower seeds

Mix dry and wet in seperate bowls, then mix together. A food processor or mixer is handy for this recipe.

*You can probably get away with just 1 cup total of sugar, especially if you include the chocolate. It's pretty sweet.

**Chickpea flour is bitter before cooking. This may bother some more than others. I don't notice a beany flavor after cooking, but the raw batter- YUCK! If the chickpea is a problem for you, brown rice flour works as well. But of course, it is higher carb/ lower protein, and has a different texture.

***I recently discovered why some vegans don't use white sugar. Apparently it is frequently whitened with bone-char. I had no idea.

Source of the original recipe, which has been adapted:

Pictures to come tomorrow

Developmental Preschool

I know that we are still 6 months away from this but wow am I scared. We follow a believe in parenting they call attachment parenting, meaning we have unseperating children . Only 2 people besides myself and my husband have ever watched my children . They have never slept away from us and we believe strongly in the importance of acknowledging there emotions and needs.

With that said leaving Riaan with a stranger for 2.5 hours 4 days a week is very scary for me . I know that these people are trained and work well with children like Riaan but the fear is still there . I am scared that if something happens they wont know how to calm him down , recognize his emotions the way he is use to, and get the nurturing he is use to .

I have a dear friend who has a son E who is 4 and is going to developmental preschool. He comes home everyday and screams! He screams to decompress the stress from the school, he is over stimulated and overwhelmed. She handles it with grace and I am not sure if I could .

We were planning on Homeschooling and still plan to but wonder if he goes to this preschool what that means for us . How will affect homeschooling ? Will I be trained to school him ? What if he enjoys it so much he wants to continue ?

I guess the bottom line is this wasnt in the cards for us so now the questions are coming and I feel like I dont know the answers.

Day 24 Gluten Free

This will be my last Gluten Free day marker . We know that this diet has changed so much for our lives. We see Riaan being more manageable, listening better, not having tantrums, responding to our respectful requests and those are just a few of the improvements.

At this time we are going to keep some dairy in his diet but have decided to start eliminating it . We are going to start slow and see how it works for our family . We currently eat alot of dairy and things such as cheese arent so easily replaced like for the wheat and gluten.

We are happy this his processing of words and communication has improved so much . We hope that things will continue to improve and allow for some much more learning . I have been blessed with new friends on this same diet and they have opened our eyes to see that this is yes a change but it is managable .

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Gluten Free Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

A few of my friends and I wanted to try a new recipe because I seem to be offering Riaan the same foods over and over again . We changed some ingredients to add healthier options such as instead of butter we used cocanut oil and instead of egg we used mashed extra firm organic tofu. These turned out amazing .

Here is the original recipe.

Cream Cheese Topping
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 egg - substitute with flax or egg replacer
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons brown sugar

Struesal Top

4 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour used Pamela's GF baking flour
5 tablespoons white sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons chopped pecans

Muffin Mix

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour used Pamela's GF Baking flour
2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs use flax or egg replacer mix
1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin
1/3 cup olive oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease and flour 18 muffin cups, or use paper liners. 2. To make the filling: In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until soft. Add egg, vanilla and brown sugar. Beat until smooth, then set aside. 3. For the streusel topping: In a medium bowl, mix flour, sugar, cinnamon and pecans. Add butter and cut it in with a fork until crumbly. Set aside. 4. For the muffin batter: In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center of flour mixture and add eggs, pumpkin, olive oil and vanilla. Beat together until smooth. 5. Place pumpkin mixture in muffin cups about 1/2 full. Then add one tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture right in the middle of the batter. Try to keep cream cheese from touching the paper cup. Sprinkle on the streusel topping. 6. Bake at 375 degrees F (195 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Six Word Saturday

" If you Fall Pick yourself Up"

Thats what my goal is for tomorrow. I fell today, I layed around in my pj's feeling bad for myself and my child. Tomorrow I wont be doing that .

Frustration, Anxiety and A Good Cry

We first got the news that his ears are fine . Then we went to the pediatrician on Friday where she said we need to get in to see a genetic counselor. We need to get lots of blood taken from my 2.5 year old and see what his DNA looks like .

I am flat out nervous, scared and hopeful all at the same time . When he wasn't talking at 2 I never realized it would lead to specialist pediatrician, audiologist, neurologist and genetics testing .

I have seen it written and spoke with mothers about how they grief a lose when there children start this journey, when they know there child is different. That is scary to me . I had a friend share a story with me how in 1st grade she had a kid in her class that would hit his head on the desk. She said there is always one of those kids. I DON'T WANT THAT KID. Is that terrible ?

I was invited to go to * MOCHA* today.Which is a group that is for mothers of children with autism. I couldn't bring myself to go . I wanted to . My gut said go . But the anxiety of admitting that something is wrong with my son is scary.

Tell now I have been so level headed. I have tried to stay positive and remember all I wanted for him was to live a " Normal" life. Well now I am scared he wont get that . I am scared we will not be able to provide things he needs.

I read about these wonderful people with such hard journey's and this sense of peace because of god. Well truth be told I am not feeling that today.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Swine Flu

Many of you who know me personally know I dont choose to Vaccinate. I am pro-choice in this matter. If you choose to or not that is your personal business and as long as you are educated I support your decision . But to make sure we do know all the facts here is a dcotor on Fox discussing the dangers of this vaccination we know nothing about .

Thursday, September 24, 2009


So we finally had our audiologist appointment and even though I wish somewhere in my heart that something was wrong with his ears there isn't anything wrong . His ears tested in the normal range.

So what does that mean ? He sat great with a strange women in a strange room . I was so proud that the huge bag of things I brought him in case he " freaked out " wasn't needed. I am thankful that the child I once was so nervous to handle and take out is slowly disappearing.

So now what ? We see a neurologist, we see a genetic counselor and we hope and pray everything comes back OK . We pray that he is just a little " special" and that we can stop allowing our minds to wonder to the worst places.

For now we rest ! We play and we cuddle. Because today that is all that matters!Today we may stay in our PJ's all day.Today we will watch to many disney DVD's and today we will just enjoy our journey.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Confessions Of a Nursing Mom

So I stole this from She writes a blog about your journey of learning with her son Logan . If you want to link up please join along. I had a good laugh while reading it .

My confessions are

I drink a coke everyday.

I nurse whenever she wants.

She sleeps in bed with us so I just sleep topless and it makes it easier on both us .

I have actually hung over her infant car seat to allow her to nurse while we are driving.Can you just imagine what the car next to us thinks?

I once pumped and didn't want the milk to go bad so I gave it to my toddler.

I don't eat with a blanket over my head so neither does my baby.

Oh did I mention my husband gets very offended when people think nursing is " weird"! He is my advocate and I love him .

Did you know breastmilk can be used for lots of things ? Like ear infections !

What about you any crazy nursing stories you want to share ?

It Has Been...

A long day has been today but right now all I wanted to share is what my kids do best, they act like kids.

They watch too much tv, they chew on ducks, they play with toy story figurines, they have dirty faces, they arent always photogenic but most of all they are my kids and I love them .

I have two small children and I would rather sit and play with them then wright a long blog about what I think about politics, babywearing or the problems with Obama's Health care plan.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Not Me Monday

This week I didn't put Riaan in the bath tub to eat an ice cream sandwich and almost cried once I realized he thought it was a great idea to rub chocolate all over the walls.

I also would never forget to bring an extra pair of pants to the mall with us and after Riaan pee'd on himself we didn't proceed to walk around the mall with him in a diaper, red rain boots and a shirt that said " Rock Star".Nope I have more class then that!

I also would never drink Coke while nursing because caffeine is a big no no...So I didn't have one with lunch then one while walking around Costco and a third large one while we decided to stop for dinner. Oh and we don't eat fast food so we definitely didn't eat Wendy's for dinner. We would never allow Riaan to eat chicken nuggets with wheat breading on them . We are very strict with his diet.

What didnt you do this week?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Comment Issue

We were having some issues with comments , thanks to the nice women who emailed me about them , we should be up and running . If you have tried to leave a comment and werent able to , PLEASE go back and comment .I love to hear from you .

Saturday, September 19, 2009

5 Words

I found an interesting post when I stopped by Teresa's blog and she was doing a post based on five words she was given. She invited us to play along if we wanted and you know me, the avid gamer, I asked her to send me my 5 words. If you too are interested, leave me a comment and your email address and I too will send you 5 random words.


We love to play around here, we try to use our imagination as much as possible but lately we spend hours playing with Mr.Potato head . I wish more people realized the importance of sitting on the floor with your child and giving them the one on one attention they desire.


The truth isn't always nice ! When I was younger I was too honest, I spoke what I thought and it didn't matter what or who I crushed along the way . Well now I am happy to say I try to be as sensitive as possible because how you and others feel is so important. I also think that you get back what you put into the universe and for awhile I wasn't getting so much good back . Riaan is a very sensitive child and I am always concerned people wont " get " him because of that . My husband is sweet as could be, sometimes too sweet when he needs to speak up and sometimes he lacks sensitivity when I think he needs to show it .


It is such a learned skill.You have to learn to listen to yourself and too others. I struggle when people just wont listen or budge about an opinion. My husband on the other hand has very selective hearing :)We work on emotions in our home on a daily basis and the more you speak about emotions the easier it is to listen and accept a persons emotion. You learn you cant control emotions of others.



We live in Seattle and does it rain . Today is poured and we sat and listened to it at 6am. They didn't have much rain in Virgina and wow did I miss it .


I have always wanted to dance in the rain. I didn't do it tell I had kids . It is amazing once you become a mother you see love in so many different ways.


The show popped in my head right away even though I have never seen even a single episode. In the sadness and the darkness of this world I think we all survive to the best of our abilities. We all have times in our lives we don't want to survive but it is in those moments we show the most strength.

Six Word Saturday

Our Days are Filled with Laughter

Today we laughed when Riaan put stickers on Lyla's Bum.

Yesterday we laughed when I passed a car going TO fast and Riaan said " WOW" super loud.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thursday's Top Ten

What 10 places around where you live would YOU take a brand new visitor to your area?

1. There's a small burger stand in Fall City, you get 3 burgers for 6 dollars and they are as home made as your mother would make .

2. The river * if it is summer* some of the best memories growing up is hanging out down by the river. We now bring Riaan down there to play.

3.The space needle* I live in Seattle you cant miss that

4. Pike place market. If you have never seen someone through a fish it is a truly interesting place.

5. Leavenworth. The whole town is dutch themed. In December they light the whole town with the most amazing Christmas lights.

6.China Town. Most big cities have them but ours has to be the best. With the best flat fortune cookies :)

7.Third place books. It's a book store with both new and used books. It has the biggest selection of books, two floors and hours of looking .

8.Broadway/ university village.People who have never been to Seattle want to see the grunge culture , the music, the tattoo's and the Mohawks. These things can all be found in our house but is every where you look in Seattle.

9. Bastyr university.One of the world's leading academic centers for education, research and clinical service in the natural health arts and sciences, Bastyr continues to be in the forefront of developing the model for 21st century medicine.

10. My home. I love meeting new people and welcoming them into our home to learn about them . There journey.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

We adventured to the local fair here last week and Riaan rode his first ride! I think you can tell by the picture he isnt sure if he is enjoying it or not.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Day 8 Gluten free

We are still withdrawing I have no doubt but I think we are through the worst of it .

This is what we are seeing

* Better eye contact

* Regular hard stools

* Increase in vocab ( 2 new sounds "B" and "M". When you only have 5 sounds adding 2 is huge)

* Intense tantrums but less frequent

* More affection in appropriate times (ex. when someone leaves, comes home, asks for a hug)

* Intense grinding of his teeth more

* Shorter nap during the day

* Sleeping more at night and falling asleep easier

We are still having daily struggles with things but I find myself seeing hope. I see the changes happening and if nothing else but by chance I will take what I can get.

On a very good note we see the childrens audiologist next Wed. the 23rd for a hearing test and I cant wait . Once we know if he is hearing correctly that will give us so many answers. Friday the 25th we go in for a physical and hopefully discuss more about allergy tests, stool tests, and full blood work .

On the Lighter Side of Things

On to the lighter side of things....Which is normeally Lyla because Riaan is a whopping 58 pounds !

She has decided she likes to move it move it and is off and ready to crawl at 5 months old . Sometimes I watch her army crawling and moving around the floor and I ask her to stop because she is my baby and I cant allow her to grow up so fast.

I remeber with Riaan I anticipated the first's and when he didnt speak on time people kept reminding me that once he starts they never stop . Well let me tell you what after two years I want to hold a conversation with Riaan I want to hear his emotion, his voice, his excitment and his frustration . Now I hope this little girl doesnt talk tell she is 2 because that will be just another milestone to remind me she isnt a baby anymore .

Sunday, September 13, 2009

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 4

The Immune System and Autism

This was such a long chapter but I really liked how Jenny broke it down so normeal people could read it and understand it .

Here are some points I really think need to be looked at further

* we do not do any routine immune system evalutations on our children before vaccines so there is no proof a normal immune system existend. Why dont we ? If there is so many questions about vaccines why not prove to us mothers who dont want to vaccinate that vaccines dont induce immune dysfunction.

*Best way to improve an immune system is to decrease sugar from there diet

*Well not that I would be wanting to do this but an interesting idea they talk about is giving our children colostrum from an animal because it is rich in immunoglobulins

*Synthetic carpets give off gas toxins that are not tolerated well by children

*Pro-Biotics should be dairy free

Six Word Saturday....on Sunday

I know I am a day late, I know that it is breaking some rules but hey it is my blog and I make the rules .

"I love you more today Riaan"

As I see Riaan struggling without wheat and when I see him feeling so uncomfortable I realize how much I live this little man. How much I love him more each day because of the struggles we are facing in our journey that we call life.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 3


This really struck with me when they talk about children like mine have such limited diets. Riaan only eats a small handful of foods and the base of all the meals is pasta or bread.Some of the other reasons like history of antibiotics , constipation, failure to trive and low muscle tone dont apply to us . As most of you know I have a very solid 60 pound two year old !

"Vitamins are essential for growth and development. Minerals help them do their job."

Riaan has always been on pro-biotics but wow I had no idea of so many diffrent kids and the importance of them .

B 12

It is used to utilized almost every cell in the body and has a tremndous impact on the nervous system and .gastrointestinal system

They suggest using

Zinc and Selenium

Calcium and magnesium

Fatty acids

Digestive enzymes and protein


I dont know about you guys but reading that list was very overwhelming to me . Knowing that he could be lacking in so many areas was scary . I have added no new supplements to Riaan's diet at this time . I am 1) a strong believer in getting a doctor involved when you start giving our children multiple vitamins because blood should be taken 2) I dont know about you but tackling wheat and gluten right now is hard enough and remebering all of this other stuff might just push me over the edge !

If you do decide to add supplements into your childrens diets I think Healing and Preventing Autism has a great place to start on page 73-77.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Day 4 Gluten free

Today we see some light at the end of our tunnel . Today was easier, today there was still tantrums, there was soft poo, there was lack of interest in food but at the same time we enjoyed ourselves, we played nice, we had few tantrums and less extreme, we had less poo diapers, and he did eat every bite of his lunch today .

I hope tonight brings good sleep , less body pains and more comfort for my sweet sweet boy.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Theta Mom

I will be the first to admit it , I don't do much for myself . Well between 2 babies, 2 in diapers and cloth at that , a whole new diet, breastfeeding and trying to rid the world of people who don't know anything about vaccinations .So anyway this week I spent 2 hours not just 1 but 2 hours by myself * Lyla was in the sling* in a book store! I bought 5 books all of which I am dying to read and am only on chapter 5 in the first book .

So what about you did you spend 1 hour this week to yourself ? Did you do something you just love? or was it just spending some time in a bookstore without a screaming toddler ?

Day 3 Gluten free

Day three has met us with lots of soft poo and tantrums. We have also noticed an increase in urine with an odor. Oh and lets not forget to mention the poor sleeping and getting up multiple times a night for no reason I can figure out except that we have a new diet and his body is feeling diffrent.

I havent lost faith yet but do hope that things start to mellow out.I can handle bad days but it is hard to have a bad week and have the patience you need.

Here we are at the park just trying to bring some normalcy to our week.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 2

Chapter 2 talks about diet and wow we are living this chapter right now . Jenny McCarthy talks about GFCF but that is just to hard for us . We are starting with GF and are hoping for amazing results from going gluten free but are more then aware that we may also have to cut out casein from Riaans diet which will be very hard as that is his main food group .

Gluten and Casein

The goal behind changing deits is to remove chemicals, toxins and potential neurotransmitters, which are liberated when foods are broken down . It has been recorded that 80 percent of the kids with autism seem to respond to elimiting things from there diet . It is possible that child's allergy tests does not come up as allergic to wheat or dairy but its essential to remove these things because things because there bodies are turning them into neurotransmitters that act like opiates in children's brains.

Withdrawal Symptoms

"Your taking a drug away from an addict.They can be irritable, cranky.Their noses can get red and run . They can be more stimmy and throw more tantrums ."

They recommend taking a child off dairy first and going slow so we arent following there guidelines real well . We are taking gluten and wheat away first and we are taking about a week to wean him off .

Our withdrawal symptoms seem to be intense tantrums and frustration as well as last night not sleeping through the night . We are allowing Riaan one item a day with wheat in it and sometimes he eats it and sometimes he doesnt . Riaan has been eating very little since we started this process and refusing even food that is normeal for him such as strawberrys.

Specific Carbohydrate Diet

The Specific carbohydrate diet is another limiting removal diet. This diet consists of meats, eggs, vegetables, nuts and low sugar fruits .

I wish I was this strong but wow this diet is very restricting. I guess if this fails for us this will be our next option to explore.

Going Organic

This was an easy path for us as we ate organic already but we finally did the last push to go compeltely . The pesticides and animal they inject into our foods is just plain scary.

Some great web sites are-

Monday, September 7, 2009

Day 1 Gluten free

Riaan seems to be enjoying the GF foods but it acting absolutely horrible. I do strongly think he is withdrawing for the gluten .I wish so badly I could ask him how he is feeling and he could answer.He is acting out of control and is doing some very uncharacteristic behaviors.

We started the day off with GF waffles and some veggie booty . He enjoyed both and soon wanted a banana . I have read that once you start taking gluten out of your food some children start wanting to eat more .I am not sure if that is whats happening but it seems to be an interesting change of events.

In the early days there is often a "withdrawal" process, because opioid peptides can produce an addictive effect. This is hard to deal with, when your child seems in the early stages to get worse instead of better. Just remember, this is not an indication that the diet isn't working. It may just be withdrawal symptoms. Allow enough time for them to wear off before you give up. In many cases, perhaps most, after a little while, this stage passes and you will start to see positive results.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 1

I wanted to blog about this while it is fresh in my mind, while I have no distractions and while to be honest I can sit in our office and avoid the house that should be cleaned :)

Chapter 1- What is Autism?

I didn't know to be honest what autism was, I knew about it but I never knew it was that a persons body wasn't processing stimuli correctly .Did you ? For example Riaans pain tolerance is so high and not acknowledging when we are speaking to him .


For us stimming isn't an issue but I do wonder where the line is drawn between normal and autistic behavior ? Riaan for instance will play with water or the light switch but when is it to much ? When does switching the light switch up and down become an issue ? 5 times ? 23 times ?


As I was reading this I was wondering so many people want healing and miracles to happen and I wonder whats wrong with just good improvement? Isn't that good enough ? Even if I knew where god and I stood a little better these days I will be more then happy and praise his name if he walks us down this road and he chooses just to help us even if he chooses not to preform a miracle.

Physical Pain

This got to me . This brought tears to my eyes . The idea that Riaan was in pain both physically and emotionally and he couldn't tell us . He couldn't communicate with us that something was wrong.


Riaan wasn't vaccinated for anything except right after birth he got his first vaccinations . I regret this not because we are now walking down this journey but because that day while having an emergency c-section I was unable to speak my true feelings and protest the shots. For those of you who don't know mercury is a cheap preservative that they allow in vaccinations . Even though most people believe there is none in vaccinations anymore that is incorrect there is just a smaller dose with a different name.Pretty tricky of those pharmaceutical companies huh .

What are your thoughts on vaccinations ? If you chose to vaccinate do you feel like you made the right decision ? Did you have all of the information you needed to make the right decision?

Daily Diary

It will look something like this . I will be starting this on monday .

(scale 1-4, where 4 is the most intense or highest)

Bowel movement (frequency and size)

Supplements (dose and frequency)

Food Diary

Sleep (hours, naps and nighttime)


Self-Injurious behavior (frequency and scale)

Evenness of temperament (scale)

Irritability (scale)

Staring into space (scale)

Flexibility (scale)

Without this daily journal you wont know whats working and what isn't, and without this your doctor will have a hard time collaborating with you in this process.

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism

Bring It On Book Club

We are reading Healing and Preventing Autism by Jenny McCarthy and Jerry Kartzinel.Please feel free to get this book and read along with us . I have enjoyed this book so much and have so much to blog about I am sure we will be reading this fairly fast with hopes to get to more books full of knowledge.


Jenny talks about mom radar and wow wow wow it is so true . I have found this our journey I need to convince people he isn't just a slower talker , that these behaviors aren't cute or special. I just want to keep looking I know there is more to Riaan . I can relate so much to what Jenny talks about with her son Evan who has autism.


It was interesting reading this for us because we never did vaccinate for the MMR shot nor did Riaan ever have a regression with words. For us it seems like Riaan always has done things slower then the normal , it seems like with his vocabulary he continues to add new words but just at a slow rate . I look back and wonder if I could have picked up on the signs earlier because now with Lyla there are amazing differences at just 5 months old.

One thing that really stood out for me in this was how they talk about how pediatricians aren't trained to point out the red flags, how for many years pediatricians would say " oh don't worry they will catch up."It brings me back to wanting to fight for a VBAC . This is another category where the " professionals" are so out of date with the best and newest information they are over looking what they need to be seeing .

We hear about epidemics all the time why aren't we hearing more about the pandemic we are living in right now involving autism ?

Six Word Saturday

"Please let today get better god"

My day isnt off to a great start, tantrums and yelling have made it for a rough morning around here .

Friday, September 4, 2009

Gluten Free Diet

We are joining the thousands that are now going Gluten Free. We are hoping it will A) help Riaans behavior, attitude and overall dispostion B) it will allow us to eat healthier as a family C) we are willing to try everything possible to achieve the best situation.

Tomorrow we tackle more grocery shopping and finding a recipe book for this new chapter in our journey . We have chosen to allow casein in our diet still becuase it is a major part of what Riaan eats on a daily basis . I hope after a 3 month trial of this gluten free diet and blogging about changes I notice everyday we will be able to make the best decision then . Either allowing casein in our diets because the improvements have been so great or we willl take it out of our diets with hopes the improvements get more noticable .

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Therapy Session # 5

We had therapy today with Miss "R" and it was so nice when she walked in Riaan gave her a hug and showed her some affection . She brought with her "J" and "L" to discuss autism and behaviours that Riaan does that may be concerning .

I was please to hear him say " WOW" "Woof" and " All Done". That was great for them to see . They also mentioned that they DONT think he is autistic but there is an underlying nuerlogical issue . Is that better ? I am not sure anymore. It does mean I need to get back to that specialist to get another referal this time for a nuerologist at childrens hospital .

I am still waiting to hear when our audiologist appointment is and still no word on how very long the autism clinic's wait list is . I keep hearing how important early intervetion is but then why is all these wait lists and evaluations so booked out ?

Anyway back to therapy. We played and discussed what they thought were good things for us to try such as putting stop signs on things he cant do (ex. the office is off limits so we would put a stop sign on the door . ) They also recommended putting pictures on the fridge so if he needed something he could bring us the picture of the object.

I thought today went well and we are looking forward trying some more signs this week as he has been picking up on them so well .

P.S. Please keep my sweet friend "J" in your prays as she is getting an evaluation for her son "L" today. I hope she gets the answers she is looking for and I hope her son catches up very fast.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

So We Dont Forget

Since Lynnette's family is on vacation, she thought it'd be fun to write a memory from vacation. It can be about a particular vacation or even just an event from a vacation. If you haven't been on family vacation (and she know it's not that unusual), just write about something from a little getaway - even if it was only a few hours! :)

I think the best vacation I can remember is from 4 years ago. On February 13, 2007 we were excited to be expecting a little bundle of joy and were planning a weekend getaway to Port Angeles to see my family . I was almost 19 weeks pregnant and we recently had found out it was a boy. Back then I didn't realized babies died, who knew you could have late miscarriages? Not me .

I started bleeding while visiting my mom before our little trip . She suggested we go to the doctor and I remember while they were doing the ultrasound the way this women looked at me . The sympathy in her eyes and I knew something was wrong . That day We lost our baby due to placenta abruption . I know I know how does this have anything to do with vacation but it does so keep reading :)

We had decided to still proceed with our plans for our trip just go a few days later. That trip was the beginning of my healing. The healing my body needed, the healing of knowing real life and things don't always happen the way you think they should .

I look back and remember nothing negative about our loss, I am thankful for the support I had, the love I felt and because of that loss it has shaped so many things . On that trip we met a women who had lost a baby at birth, we met a family who practices Attachment Parenting, we bought a baby carrier I still use , my husband knew my emotions and my soul and he never once judged me for the things I said I needed.

We still every year go to this sweet little bed and breakfast in Port Angeles. Every year we speak to the owner and his sweet little old wife. Every year they hold our children and speak nothing but great things. They make us breakfast and put it by our door and every year we go back and remember what we lost and what we have gained .

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Today I am thankful....

I am thankful for my brother being ok

I am thankful for a very happy baby

I am thankful for having a husband who loves me

But most of all I am thankful for....


My baby Riaan who was only 5 pounds at birth and grew like a weed

No matter what a doctor says it doesnt change the fact we are


Monday, August 31, 2009

Appointment Today

Wow Autism what a scary word when it relates to your own child . The specialist is having us evaluated at an autism clinic but sadly the wait list is long and our minds have nothing to do but wonder.

I wonder if he will live a happy full "normeal" life.

I wonder how others will treat him, I wonder how people will see us .

His hearing seems to by fine, we will proceed with the audiologist still just to be sure.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Please Pray

Well I will just through it out there the way it is .

I believe in god yes but do I know more then that? Most days no.

I would like to find him in all of his goodness and I would love him to show me the way on my darkest days .

Well today is a very dark day for me .

My sweet brother's birthday, it should be glorious with a bbq and carrot cake but not this year.

He was in a serious car accident and now we are concern something is wrong with his brain . Between the loss of his short term memory and odd behaviors to him calling out of the blue to say he wants to see no one and cancelled an upcoming vacation for labor day .

We are scared for him and hope that he will see what we see .

Please pray he will decide to take us up on our offer of support and that he will go to the doctor like we believe he needs to but is scared due to his financial situation .

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

So We Dont Forget

This Week's Topic: What is a favorite "alone time" activity?

As a mom of 2 kids 2 and under the "alone time" is few and far between .As I am exclusivley nursing Lyla there's no " alone time " from her but once a week I do take "Me Time" as we call it around our house . I adventure out with Lyla in a baby carrier and we go get coffee, sometimes do a little shoppping but mostly

I think.

I think alot .

Getting coffee and enjoy talking to strangers who know nothing about me is just a pleasure .

There is no expectations, no heavy duty talks, no concerns expressed and more then anything there is adults to talk to !

I dont know about you other stay at home moms but sometimes I so badly want to have a " grown up " conversation that doesnt evolve my children interupting .

So there you have it in my alone time I want a venti vanilla latte made with organic milk, a nice stranger to talk to and maybe something to shop for . I find I appreciate life so much more when I get away . I find I am so much more patient with my kids and my husband .

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Mcklinky Blog Hop

You might be a redneck if...Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Theres a new country song about beer bellies and I just couldnt help it! My brother is a self-proclaimed redneck and I know he likes beer bellies.

MckLinky Blog Hop

Therapy Session # 4

After some changes in the seasons of our lives I am back updating my blog . I am happy to let you all know that Riaan has been making some leaps and bounds towards our goals.

He has taken to us using signs so well . He will know sign "more","all done", and "eat".I hope this week he will pick up on bath, cup and stop.

Besides just signs Riaan has added some words to his vocab and has been trying to communicate to the best of his ability. For many two year old's saying "Yum Yum" or " Wow Wow" wouldnt be a moment to rejoice but around here that is what we did ! WE REJOICED. We rejoiced in the fact he is adding to his vocab, we rejoiced for the fact that therapy has been seeming to help and we rejoiced to see the happiness on Riaans face when he saw how happy we were when we heard his voice .

Our goals are to continue to sign with him and get him into an audiologist this month. Monday we will go to a pediatrician with hopes to get some things cut off of the list of possibilities.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Therapy Session #3

So "R" came again today and was pleased with some of Riaans new "THINGS".He has began to say "wow wow", for those of you with kids I am sure you will know the show Wow Wow Wubbzy.So thats where he got it . She is also please he has started saying all done and signing more .

Our new goals are including the sign for bath and eat . I hope that both will be able to help us communicate better with him . If he is able to communicate eat with us we will be better prepared with knowing he is hungrey . He has recently been very upset when we get into the bath so we are hoping that preparing him with a sign he wont be feeling so frustrated.

Still waiting on insurance and referrals for things lets hope it is all done soon .

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Over the Years

Wow what a week and weekend ! Life has became diffrent, surprising, and beyond all we are starting a new journey . A journey of being sober. Not me, I am already ! But sweet Miss "A".

Background :

Miss "A" and me have been friends since we were 14.

My brother was her brothers best friend.

My mom was her moms best friend.

Fast Forward 8 years

Sweet "A" is in a bad relationship.

She is doing heroin .

She is calling crying .

My brother rescues her from herself and gets her clean.


She is sleeping on my couch.

She is eating my food .

She is playing with my kids .

She is needing help.

So there it is.I am without many words.I took in an old friend who had no where else to go . I would hope someone would do the same for me .

Friday, August 7, 2009

All Natural Cleaners

I hate cleaning, I do .But one thing I do love is making my home safe by using non-toxic cleaners and laundry soap . We recently have realized we spent over 200.00 last year on organic products for cleaning . Since there is no way I can justify spending that my goal was to cut my cost in half while still finding clean counters, toilets and floors in my home .

Today I got a call from my dear friend " J" wondering what products we used. We recently have turned her on to DR.Bronners soap ( if you haven't used it you must ) and so she was curious .

So my non-toxic recipes will follow.

All-Purpose Cleaner:

Mix 1/2 cup vinegar
1/4 cup baking soda (or 2 teaspoons borax)
1/2 gallon (2 liters) water

Use on anything . The smell isn't great and some people like to add some essential oils to hide the vinegar smell . I don't personally but feel free.Also using a microfiber rag lifts dirt and grease really well . You buy these rags in the car department, I also use them to stuff my pocket cloth diapers, wipe kids faces and wipe spills!

Laundry Soap

Mix 1 cup Ivory soap (or Fels Naptha soap)grated
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup borax

Use 1 tbsp for light loads; 2 tbsp for heavy loads. I have never used it but some people love Kiss My Face brand 100% olive oil bar soap grated for this as well . The options are endless but the more natural of soap you use the more all natural laundry soap you have.

There is so many different cleaners and recipes out there but I find that a good all purpose cleaner is just that all purpose . I dont need nor want 30 bottles around of cleaner.

Now I haven't found a great toilete bowl cleaner so I am still buying that so if you have a recipe to share please do .

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Some of my Favorite Things

*The way Lyla will just wake up and smile

*Cherry blossoms

*The way Riaan now runs to me to kiss his boo boo's

*When a stranger asks how your day was because they really care

*When you let someone over while driving and they wave

*Seeing people singing while driving

*Swimming on hot days

*My husband calling just to check in

10 things you may not know about ME

1.) I had my first baby at 19 but was far from a teen mother . We co-slept, I nursed him for as long as possible and cloth diapered.

2.) I would stay in my PJ's all day even if I had to go somewhere.

3.)I dont clean my house tell about 30 minutes before my husband gets home !

4.) I had my second baby at 21 by VBAC and was planning a home birth .

5.)I have recently found the love of pictures and wish I had a better program to play around with them .

6.)We are most defiently having more kids, just not 2 years apart again .

7.) I love everything about cherry blossoms, the color and the way they look and I hope to paint them on the wall of Lyla's room some day .

8.)Both my kids still sleep in bed with us at night .

9.) I hate everything about doing laundry and putting it away .

10.) my mom comes over to my house on weekends to have sleepovers to hang out with my kids .

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I thought you knew better

As many of you know I am very against any form of physical punishment to our children . Even time out is rare in our home. Yesterday at the park a women I have only met one other time proceeded to hit her 10 year old daughter! "T" as we will call her made her poor daughters lip bleed and in the moment all I could say was her name.I was disgusted appalled horrified but in the moment I couldn't think of what to say, if it was appropriate to say anything . I was just plain old shocked and without words . After getting home and processing the situation , realizing her lack of empathy, compassion and regret towards her own daughter I made the decision to call CPS.

I know some of you are thinking wow that was harsh but if you could have only been there to see this poor little girl . The tears rolling down her face and the terror she showed.After calling I turned on the radio and it was a song called " concrete angel" it is by a contry singer by the name of Martina McBride .If you have never heard it, it is about a little girl who dies at the hand of a parent. It was god telling me I did the right thing . I did what I knew in my heart somebody needed to .

I thought she would know better not to inflict pain on her own child . I thought I did the best thing I could .

Monday, August 3, 2009

Not My Child

Welcome to Not My Child! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So this week while we were visiting my mother , Riaan didn't pull the fire alarm ! The fire station didn't have to come to double check everything was OK....There wasn't multiple women outside waiting for the fire men to see if they were good looking and I defiantly wasn't so embarrassed when the fire department showed up they didn't have to comfort me and tell it happens all the time !

Riaan also was NOT clever enough to pull our dinning room table chair outside so he could turn the bbq on . I was watching him closer then that ! I wouldnt be blogging or anything .