Wednesday, December 30, 2009


We lived a year in another state . We searched for new friends, connections with people who raise there kids the way we do, we wanted to connect with Stephans family and fill that void he had felt for so long .

We made the decision to move back. Did we fail? I sometimes wonder if we had lasted longer where we would be ?

Many dont know this but Stephan and I were ready to seperate while there. There was talk of him staying and me ( pregnant at the time ) leaving with Riaan and coming home . There were fights, there were tears, there was a total lack of connection with his family who seemed to express hurtful feelings towards me that I could never explain .But I cant tell you many details .

Why cant I remeber the details? I look back and cant tell you what the fights were about, or the hurtful things that were said, or why we decided last minute to move back to Washington when I was 34 weeks pregnant .

I wonder really was it so bad? I wanted to come " Home " and realized I came " home " to nothing more then we had in Virgnia.

I am blessed with healthy kids, a happy husband who wants to spend time with his family so why is that I struggle with happiness. I am blessed.

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