Wednesday, December 30, 2009


We lived a year in another state . We searched for new friends, connections with people who raise there kids the way we do, we wanted to connect with Stephans family and fill that void he had felt for so long .

We made the decision to move back. Did we fail? I sometimes wonder if we had lasted longer where we would be ?

Many dont know this but Stephan and I were ready to seperate while there. There was talk of him staying and me ( pregnant at the time ) leaving with Riaan and coming home . There were fights, there were tears, there was a total lack of connection with his family who seemed to express hurtful feelings towards me that I could never explain .But I cant tell you many details .

Why cant I remeber the details? I look back and cant tell you what the fights were about, or the hurtful things that were said, or why we decided last minute to move back to Washington when I was 34 weeks pregnant .

I wonder really was it so bad? I wanted to come " Home " and realized I came " home " to nothing more then we had in Virgnia.

I am blessed with healthy kids, a happy husband who wants to spend time with his family so why is that I struggle with happiness. I am blessed.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. See synonyms at pity.

I dont pity people when I have compassion for them . I struggle to remember to show and express compassion for those close to me when I can show compassion to strangers without a second guess.

Why is it that our hearts hurt for others we dont know but when it comes to the ones closest to us we forget them? Is it because we dont know others stories? Is it because the resentments and past arguements stop us from showing compassion to the most important people in our lives ? This year that is my goal, my new years resolution if you may .

After living in Virginia for a year, almost seperating from my husband, having a special needs child with learning delays and a very needy baby I want to work on shows and expressing in words my compassion and concern for them.

I want to tell my husband daily, he works hard and I appreciate that he does so I can stay home and raise our children . I want Riaan to know no matter what may or may not be wrong we will figure it out and support him however we can . I want Lyla to be as attached as Riaan is .

Monday, December 28, 2009

Each is there own person

I struggle daily comparing my two children.The good , the bad , the way they do things, and what stages Riaan has passed and Lyla is approaching . Today with everyone sick we are reminded how diffrent my children really are . Riaan has always been a good sleeper, not great but not bad like his little sister. Take this picture for example.

Riaan and daddy are fast a sleep and Lyla is tossing and turning in the back just to decide she wont sleep.

Here is daddy and Riaan just moments ago sleeping there sickness away.

I am sure after Lyla cried for 45 minutes today and slept 3 hours and woke to cry for many more hours she would be snuggled in bed too. But I beg a differ. My cranky baby who wont eat, wont nurse and wants nothing but to cry seems very content tonight on the floor of the kitchen.Dont you agree?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Toy Story

So Riaan's favorite movie, toy, t-shirt right now all is Toy Story themed. We watch Toy Story 1 and 2 every day. He demands the shirts, teh sweatshirt, the pj's. He carries woody around the house and crys if we dont wonder into the disney store at the mall just to stand and look at the Toy Story toys. Before I would think oh how cute a child into a movie, normal right ? But no now I worry is he becoming fixated, is this a sign of autism?

I am thankful to be trying to put aside my concern as our genetics testing came back all normal. THANK GOD ( whatever that means). I feel so thankful and some how in my mind I know someone or something was watching out for our family . I was so scared of this, I was so scared something was so wrong with our child. I mean you cant fix genetics .

We now wait the pediatrician feels comfortable with waiting tell Riaan is 3 to do anymore testing . Now we just need Riaan to start talking .

Friday, December 18, 2009

Lyla Update 8 months

Look at these cool new tricks she has recently started to show us....

She has decided she wants to skip crawling on her hands and knees and it going to go straight to pulling herself up and taking steps. I will tell you this I have never seen any child army crawl as fast as she does . She recently found the love of the bathroom and we cant seem to keep her out of there .

New this week Riaan is loving giving her presents to open because he knows he isnt suppose to but hey really so cute watching them be naughty together !

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Well I dont know what an alpaca is or what one looks like or where they live but I do know this.....

My kiddo's sure look cute in there new hats and matching baby legs from Annabella Knits and they are made from Aplaca which is by far the softest wool I have ever felt.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Winter's Come and Go

This time last year we were knee deep in snow and sweet Riaan wasn't in love with it at all . But this year we are doing nothing but wearing our rain boots and splashing in puddles. I am slightly dreaming of a white Christmas because we will be staying in our cozy own home this year with no where to go but the couch so being snowed in this year wouldn't be so bad .