Saturday, July 10, 2010

Peaceful Parenting in Bad Taste

There is a blog and Facebook page for a group called peaceful parenting . In the past I have read there posts and FB links. I found there information worth wild and well researched.

Recently on Facebook they posted a link with a picture to a site showing dead babies in cruel and unusual ways. Many mothers were offended and didnt appreciate this showing up in there "thread" on facebook. When asked to remove it or when it was brought to PP notice that is was inappropriate to do that with a picture because it brings up hard emotions for people they deleted comments, removed members and blocked some members from being able to comment on posts.

This was there response

peaceful parenting to those upset that we identified & asked you to report the violent "Dead Babies" Facebook Page: As horrific (and evil) as it truly is to joke about this serious and somber subject, we feel we have a social responsibility to bring an END to things like this. It should not be allowed on FB. We were not able to post a link to the page w/out the thumbnail showing up. (cont. below)

peaceful parenting After discussion between moderators, we decided to post. Your sacrifice in looking at & reporting the page will hopefully eliminate the need for thousands of others to see it as well.

Lots of people asked and posted questions like this

But why delete the comments on the PP wall? Many times I've seen a bit more of a warning such as "Loss Trigger" etc. which might have been appropriate here. While I certainly agree that the picture should be reported and removed I think that the posting of the article could have been done a bit more sensitively. I want to add that I really appreciate your page and the incredible info I've received from it.

I personally had my repectful comment removed. I shared that I had lost a baby at 20 weeks and struggled seeing that picture even just for a minute. They chose to respond to me with no emotion and lack of care.

I feel the need to share there way of handling this because it shows poor judgement and they need to realize that when dealing with mothers and children emotions are heavily involved.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Checking in

Hi Friends,How is your summer going ?

Ours has been a mix of preschool 2 a week and me working 3 days a week . Seems like it has been crazy but cant really think what we did most days. I have found time though to do Lyla's hair everyday.

This couldnt be cutier right ?

Riaan has started talking so much, combinding words and trying so hard to communicate. Everyday he tries hardier and I really hope by September his teacher notices a diffrence.He has became very camera shy and this is what alot of his pictures look like now .

We have bbeen taking Riaan swimming once a week and he is finally getting into the pool. Sometime through the summer he forgot how great it was to swim but is happy to adventure in it now .

Nothing to exciting on this front. I have more to share but the lack of time is stopping my words from coming.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Sibling Rivalry

If anyone has been to our house recently they have seen Riaan hurt Lyla. He has taken to pushing her over, simply ignoring she is in his way and trample her, he likes to take her toys out of her hands and request me to put her down . It has been hard, frustrating and simply uncomfortable for everyone. I have taken to putting him in timeout which hurts me as it hurts him.

Recently I have started down a path of Nonviolent communication and have realized this:

Our cultural training calls on us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who did what wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police officer, enforcing the consequences. These are thankless jobs that usually result in frustration, resentment, pain, and separation between parent and child and between the children themselves.

I am struggling to work on this . How do you deal with your children fighting ?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Better Mom

There has been so much chatting on Facebook this week about moms . About how one way of parenting is better versus another .

What I believe :

Attachment parenting


Extended Breastfeeding

Gentle disipline


Vaccination awarness

Does that mean if you choose to spank your kid will I not be friends with you ?

NO but at the same time I would hope that you would hear my opinion and read the research about the topic.

Just because I choose not to vaccinate doesn't mean it makes a difference to me if you do .

I am struggling with people who are only willing to look at it one sided. I hope that mothers can understand that no matter the differences in Parenting styles we are all mothers . We are all striving to do the best we can and we all at time feel alone .

I know personally with Riaan being a spirited child I have lost and gained friends . I have struggled at moments and what to do , what choices will be best for him and just trying to stay calm.

The fact is...if more mothers didn't feel alone in there journey of parenting , of loss, of adoption and of having a special needs child they could reach out more . Mothers can be so judgmental to what they don't know, don't understand or don't agree with .

Have you reached out to another mom today ? You could make someones day by just simply sending a thoughtful thought to them .

I want to end on a thought about the family bed.


The family bed fosters strong relationships. For mothers or fathers who work all day, this may be the only time they get to have physical “cuddle time” with their child. And, once again, the family bed facilitates the breastfeeding relationship, which fosters important, healthful bonds that set the stage for healthy, functional relationships later in life. But recently it has shown that it strengthens the relationship between siblings. In the picture below Riaan found his way to his sister and slept right next to her for the next 2 hours .

Friday, May 14, 2010

School Update

My sweet Riaan.We have officially been in school for one month . It's amazing to look back and remember how much anxiety and concern I had going into because now I am happy to drop him off.

Every week he gets his speech therapy and language group while there and we are already experience him saying new words like" water" and " wait".

We are so filled with joy when he is excited to go to school, when he waves and says " bye" to the kids in his, when he huges his new friends.

Recently they had a walk-a-thon at school to support families who need scholarships to attend this perschool.

For Mother's day there class made braclets and cards. I was so proud of him when he gave it to me. He was as excited as I was . We have noticed since school started he is more able to stick with a task like painting for longer that he has been really enjoying crafts he wasnt able to before .

We are already sad that school will be ending June 17 and have started looking for our options for the summer . Many have suggested a daycare situation but I am concerned that most wont be able to provide the attention Riaan may need. Even though Riaan's special needs are apparent all the time we would only want to send hm somewhere where the staff is trained accordingly .

Riaan's Birthday Party

I am so behind on sharing our memories . I hope to be able to one day look back and share these memories through my eyes with my kids. We have decided to print my blog and form a book for each kid. Every year until well I decide I cant or don't want to blog anymore we will bind my words for them to read when they are ready. I hope they can read with confidence the love that I have for them . That this blog is to share the good and the bad. That sometimes that bad is hard to deal with and allowing yourself an outlook to write or share is a positive way to express yourself .

On April 11th we had Riaan's 3rd birthday . It was amazing . We planned for it to be at a local park by our house and the weather wasn't perfect but it was good enough to be able to enjoy bubbles, a pinata and friends.

The last two years we celebrated small.For his first birthday we spent with Stephan's family as we had just arrived in Virgina and his second birthday we met friends and family at a local restaurant . This year I was consumed with the need for him to feel the importance of his birthday .

We love you sweet boy and have amazing hopes for you . You have grown so much over the last year and we are proud and amazed with the progress you have made . We hope this year is full of words and adventures.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Lyla Mae

Is it possible Lyla turned 1 on April 10th and I am just now writing this . Is it possible my days of taking kiddos to school , picking them up and going to PTA meetings have began so I haven't had the time, the energy or the chance to take to write about her and her birthday ?


The answers the those questions are YES.

I can still remember clear as day when my water broke. The dreams and hopes I had been building for the last 9 months were coming true. I was going to have a vbac in our home. In our bath tub . Fat forward multiple days and hours we are walking into the hospital, the one place I was so determined not to face again .

Fast forward 14 hours of pitocin and pain. My sweet but screaming ( she's still screaming today) Lyla Mae was born . Her VBAC brought healing for me , a sister for her brother, a daughter for her father and a granddaughter for her grandparents. We loved her and she nursed and she was perfect.

Our family was complete . It was a perfect blend of girly and boyish . Today we look back and realize we missed so many clues with Riaan that is so bitter sweet. At 12 months lyla will try to imitate what you are saying . She has 10 words she uses regularly .She walks and is very opinionated.

She is all girl. She loves her dollies, everything pink and loves reading princess books . As for her brother, he couldn't love her more . He loves to carry her and we are working on him NOT picking her up around her neck . He loves to sit by her and we are working on him NOT sitting on her. He likes to share his food with her and we are working on him NOT shoving it in her mouth.As you can see they have a special relationship and at the end of the day when we climb into our family bed he hugs her and kisses her and it melts it all away .

We had a great birthday party for her with some of our closest family and friends that I would love to share but right now I need to go make dinner.

We have so many hopes in dream for you little girl . We hope you can learn to be a good daughter, wife and mother some day . We hope that you can see the world for the good and not just for the bad . We hope you can experience being loved unconditionally and hope you know you can always come home .

Monday, April 19, 2010

Our first day of school

Monday the 12th of April was the first day of preschool for Riaan . We woke up at 6:30 which in our house is never been done before . Riaan woke up tired and grumpy. I woke up scared, anxious and unsure if it I could do it .

But we did .

We pulled into the school 10 minutes early but I couldnt bring myself to get out of the car!I sit there watching mom after mom happily dropping there kids off.

I am sure your wondering what I was thinking ? Right? I know you want to know.

Well my the truth I was thinking look at all those stupid moms ! I was almost sad for those children whos parents wanted them to love school. Truth is I wanted to run away and go home . I wanted to snuggle my Riaan in bed and watch his 101 dalmations movie.Then the teacher started to take the kids in to the school.While I was still feeling sad for all those poor kids!

Well then it happened. I snapped out of it and said ok i can do this . I walked him in, with him crying and unhappy. I left him in class of 11 other children and 3 teachers.

I hugged and kissed him goodbye . He cried. I put my brave face on. As I walk through the school doors and see my car. I loose it . My tears come and I honest to god think I should just go back in and get him . I honest to god thought that.

I may be crazy .

But 2.5 hours later I show up and his sweet little face lights up when he see's me and I am reassured from the teachers he had a good day . That he loved recess ( just like his mama did ) and that he ate lots of gold fish( big surprise I am sure he sucked the Gluten right out of them).

Monday, April 5, 2010

3 Years old

I cant believe Riaan is 3.

His birth was a long c-section . I was hoping for a vaginal, not medicated birth by a man OB. What I got was a stressed out man because of my high blood pressure that I think he was giving me . But either Way he was born . 5 pounds 4 ounces and just screaming.


He was tiny and perfect and we loved him so much.


After 11 hours in the NICU to make sure being born at 36 weeks had no side effects he was rolled in and I knew from the moment I looked at him our lives were forever changed.


We have struggled as new and young parents. From doing what others told us to following our instincts.


We soon found our groove and we decided what are baby wanted he deserved.


We decided to follow Attachment Parenting Philosiphys because not only did they feel right but wow were they easy .


As we connected and bonded with our son by babywearing ,co-sleeping and breastfeeding he grew strong and larger everyday .


Today we celebrate that my 5 pound baby is a thriving 70 pound 3 year old who enjoys life so much . The joys and struggles of having a special needs child in our life is pentyfull but I wouldnt change it for the world.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The decision has been made

Riaan is going to preschool.April 12th.

They just want me to drop him off. I have decided to drop him off and hang around the school that day . I wont be in class but thankfully they have an observation window where I can look in and he cant see me .

I am thankful that they will have an assistant in class to give him 100% attention for the first week . I am so scared and nervous, but I cant know if he is ready without trying.

I really did like the teacher and she used words that comforted me like .





Please keep us in your thoughts as we continue this journey of the unknown.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Truth

The truth is this month is hard. I have struggled to except on February 13th 4 years ago we lost a baby at 20 weeks . Our first son . He was perfect in every way. There was no reason my placenta came off the wall of my uterus. There was nothing left but the pain and not understanding how this child, my child died inside of me .

Every year since we have been crazy busy with other healthy pregnancies, moving across the country and back,the blessing and struggles of raising a family but this year was different. We were back in Seattle where we loved. We had life under control. We have adjusted to having 2 children . This year it hit me like a ton of bricks. The idea that we are missing that child was so hard.

My husband struggles at knowing what I can handle.So he didn't even mention it .It is rarely mentioned anyway. But this day I needed him to say something. Just anything but the day went on like nothing and I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it .

After a few freak outs about dishes,laundry, and things that doesnt really matter.

Tears shed for no reason he acknowledged we could have done something if I wanted . That all I had to do was say something . All I could do was yell at him and say " I needed you to say something."

He didnt understand. I could see it in his face.

He wanted to understand but then I couldnt explain it . I cant really explain it now.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What is too much ?

I am having some personal real life issues . I am wanting to use my blog to vent about the struggles of being a mom, wife and real women . But where should the line be drawn ?

Is telling you my marriage is struggling, too much ? That we are fighting and what about too much ?

Is allowing the public read my personal struggles as finding the balance between two kids and how sometimes I fail so terribly bad fail too much ? We have started to use time out and it hurts. I feel like a failure but when my son inflicts pain on my daughter I dont know what else to do . Is allowing you to read that too much .

My mother always said you should never write down anything too personal . My mother in law seems to think personal should remain personal and that many of our secrets should be that and kept within families . For me I want to vent . I want to write to you all about my life, the good, the bad and the very true reality of the ugly .

But then if I allow myself to be so out there I allow you to judge me . To judge me for allowing my 3 year old to have a bottle because well I dont want to fight him about it . To judge me for eating McDonalds two days in a row because I was to lazy to cook. To judge me for yelling at my husband when he didnt deserve it and for the time he did .

Where do you find that balance ?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Mean and Harsh

I know that some people dont believe there is any link to autism and vaccines. I know this is a highly sensative topic for people . But where should the line be drawn ? I am sad tonight to read a thread that was posted on facebook . People were bashed, names were called and I am sure tears were shed .

I do believe there is a link, you take children with lower immune systems and pump them full of chemicals and I do believe there bodies re-act to it . I am intitled to this belief. I choose not to vaccinate my children and I also choose to not judge you if you do . Why do people who choose to vaccinate there children believe they have the right to judge me for not vaccinating ?

I dont care what Jenny McCarthy says or some random scientist says. I believe what I see, I believe what mother's of struggling children say . Why is it so hard for the medical field to listen to mothers? To people who are living with autism everyday ?

Shouldnt they be the ones we hear and listen to ? Why do scientists believe that one study tells them everything ?

I am so sad for all the families that struggle daily like we do . I know many more struggle more then us and less then us . But I think every family with children who have autism can agree on one thing . Our children are amazing and no label will change that .

Saturday, February 20, 2010


This is a post I have been wanting to do for so long now .

A post of thoughts, beliefs and ideas.

For those of you that dont know unschooling means so much but to me it means The process of learning, the process of knowing yourself, openness, confidence, self-determination, independent thinking, critical thinking....none of which one gets when following other people's agenda. Making one's own agenda is what it is all about.

Specially with Riaan being my special child I want him to see the world his own way .I want him to show me the world in his special way.

I believe that unschooling allows our children to explore what they want while us as parents, teachers and friends show them everything is a learning experience . We are trying to teach Riaan color's .

Today's unschooling lesson :

Riaan " dog "

me " black dog "

Riaan " dog "

me " black dog "

Lesson learned not just a dog but a black dog.We took an everyday situation and turned it into a learning experience . I hope my special boy gets to learn everyday in his own way at home with me after his speech catch's up .

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Right Road

We are searching for the right road.

We wished it wouldnt happen.

We feel blessed it didnt happen sooner.

We are nervous about what the future has to hold.

So many men and women before him have had to face this .

My husband has lost his job.

He was laid off.

I dont work .

We have 2 small children .

We are searching for the right road .

School ?

Take whatever job is available ?

Should I go back to work ?

The possibilities and the uncertainty are facing us straight ahead.

We are looking for the right road.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

When it Rains....

It pours around here. First my kids have been so sick . What am I suppose to do keep them caged up so we dont get sick ? Fever's over 103 for 2 days , puking all over everything, and well a mean grump of a sleep deprived mama is what this house has been experiencing . It seems the overall feeling around our home and homes of our friends is that we are ready for spring .

Please let winter and cold season be over.

We did manage to get out and play some last week, look at this sweet handsome size of 5 year old but is actually only 2 little man. He was so excited to hang out in the woods with his mama and nana to explore .

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Banana Muffins

I love this reciepe it was easy, good, and it made tons which around here is always a plus .


Makes 24 muffins


10 tablespoons butter

1 1⁄4 cups sugar

4 eggs

4 ripe bananas

1 teaspoon gluten-free vanilla

1 3⁄4 cups gluten-free flour blend, recipe follows

1⁄4 cup sweet rice flour (also called glutinous rice flour)

1 tablespoon baking powder

1⁄4 teaspoon xantham gum

Putting it together

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup muffin pans with muffin liners or spray pans with non-stick spray. Cream butter and sugar; mix in eggs; add bananas and vanilla. Stir in flours, baking powder and xantham gum. Mix well.

Fill muffin cups 2⁄3 to 3⁄4 full.

Bake approximately 25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool and enjoy.



3⁄4 cup brown rice flour

1⁄3 cup tapioca flour

1⁄3 cup coconut flour

1⁄3 cup sorghum flour

• • •

Friday, January 15, 2010

Father like Daughter

People always remind me my kids are nothing like me, they dont look like me and they have so many of my dear sweet husbands characteristics. Here are some pictures to show you what I mean .

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Clean clean clean

If you know me this wont surprise you but I am not so clean. I prefer daily to play with my kids, drink my coffee or coke and just hang out . Enjoying the moments each day before they are to big to want to enjoy them with me is a daily goal . Well because I am so concerned about missing them I forget about my house. Dishes go uncleaned, my laundry is always in piles around the house and besides getting vaccumed everyday that is all I am good for .

Do you clean everyday ? How do you find the time ?

But my IN-LAWS are coming and am I scared for them to see my mess! So what do you ask I do ? Do I clean myself ? no I cant there is way to much to do and I am just not that good in the first place. So what then ? I hire help . This sweet girl comes and loves my kids and cleans my house ! She can do both! I wish I could.

I know that when my in-laws come my house will be clean and my kids will be happy.Beat that !

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

Been awhile and I dont think this picture needs a caption so I am stopping my words right about

Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Preschool starts April 12! I am scared. I am nervous. I dont know how I am gonna take it . But Riaan, he's ready. He will do amazing . He needs this .So now he just has to teach me how to be so brave.Dont you love this picture, they are all sitting in the playroom ( it was 11pm by the way)

How was your christmas ?

I know I am super late on this post but we are still recovering from the holidays around here . Our Christmas was easy going we woke up and my mom "nana" and my brother Cris " dude" were here . Riaans face looked like this when he was some presents that didn't need to be opened.

Even Lyla was excited to see her new toy that daddy already put together for her.

Everyone else though was exhausted from my birthday party the night before. After opening presents daddy and Riaan put together his new tool bench.

Thankfully after the ham was in the oven we were all ready to take a nap. Look at these sweet sleeping babies.

I am so Thankfully we decided to do Christmas. It was just the way I imagined it. We had an easy going day playing with toys, eating Chinese food left overs, watching funny movies and spending time together which in my opinion made the best Christmas.

Next year we will be traveling to Virgina for Christmas and I hope next year will be just as great.