Saturday, July 10, 2010

Peaceful Parenting in Bad Taste

There is a blog and Facebook page for a group called peaceful parenting . In the past I have read there posts and FB links. I found there information worth wild and well researched.

Recently on Facebook they posted a link with a picture to a site showing dead babies in cruel and unusual ways. Many mothers were offended and didnt appreciate this showing up in there "thread" on facebook. When asked to remove it or when it was brought to PP notice that is was inappropriate to do that with a picture because it brings up hard emotions for people they deleted comments, removed members and blocked some members from being able to comment on posts.

This was there response

peaceful parenting to those upset that we identified & asked you to report the violent "Dead Babies" Facebook Page: As horrific (and evil) as it truly is to joke about this serious and somber subject, we feel we have a social responsibility to bring an END to things like this. It should not be allowed on FB. We were not able to post a link to the page w/out the thumbnail showing up. (cont. below)

peaceful parenting After discussion between moderators, we decided to post. Your sacrifice in looking at & reporting the page will hopefully eliminate the need for thousands of others to see it as well.

Lots of people asked and posted questions like this

But why delete the comments on the PP wall? Many times I've seen a bit more of a warning such as "Loss Trigger" etc. which might have been appropriate here. While I certainly agree that the picture should be reported and removed I think that the posting of the article could have been done a bit more sensitively. I want to add that I really appreciate your page and the incredible info I've received from it.

I personally had my repectful comment removed. I shared that I had lost a baby at 20 weeks and struggled seeing that picture even just for a minute. They chose to respond to me with no emotion and lack of care.

I feel the need to share there way of handling this because it shows poor judgement and they need to realize that when dealing with mothers and children emotions are heavily involved.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Checking in

Hi Friends,How is your summer going ?

Ours has been a mix of preschool 2 a week and me working 3 days a week . Seems like it has been crazy but cant really think what we did most days. I have found time though to do Lyla's hair everyday.

This couldnt be cutier right ?

Riaan has started talking so much, combinding words and trying so hard to communicate. Everyday he tries hardier and I really hope by September his teacher notices a diffrence.He has became very camera shy and this is what alot of his pictures look like now .

We have bbeen taking Riaan swimming once a week and he is finally getting into the pool. Sometime through the summer he forgot how great it was to swim but is happy to adventure in it now .

Nothing to exciting on this front. I have more to share but the lack of time is stopping my words from coming.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Sibling Rivalry

If anyone has been to our house recently they have seen Riaan hurt Lyla. He has taken to pushing her over, simply ignoring she is in his way and trample her, he likes to take her toys out of her hands and request me to put her down . It has been hard, frustrating and simply uncomfortable for everyone. I have taken to putting him in timeout which hurts me as it hurts him.

Recently I have started down a path of Nonviolent communication and have realized this:

Our cultural training calls on us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who did what wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police officer, enforcing the consequences. These are thankless jobs that usually result in frustration, resentment, pain, and separation between parent and child and between the children themselves.

I am struggling to work on this . How do you deal with your children fighting ?

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Better Mom

There has been so much chatting on Facebook this week about moms . About how one way of parenting is better versus another .

What I believe :

Attachment parenting


Extended Breastfeeding

Gentle disipline


Vaccination awarness

Does that mean if you choose to spank your kid will I not be friends with you ?

NO but at the same time I would hope that you would hear my opinion and read the research about the topic.

Just because I choose not to vaccinate doesn't mean it makes a difference to me if you do .

I am struggling with people who are only willing to look at it one sided. I hope that mothers can understand that no matter the differences in Parenting styles we are all mothers . We are all striving to do the best we can and we all at time feel alone .

I know personally with Riaan being a spirited child I have lost and gained friends . I have struggled at moments and what to do , what choices will be best for him and just trying to stay calm.

The fact is...if more mothers didn't feel alone in there journey of parenting , of loss, of adoption and of having a special needs child they could reach out more . Mothers can be so judgmental to what they don't know, don't understand or don't agree with .

Have you reached out to another mom today ? You could make someones day by just simply sending a thoughtful thought to them .

I want to end on a thought about the family bed.


The family bed fosters strong relationships. For mothers or fathers who work all day, this may be the only time they get to have physical “cuddle time” with their child. And, once again, the family bed facilitates the breastfeeding relationship, which fosters important, healthful bonds that set the stage for healthy, functional relationships later in life. But recently it has shown that it strengthens the relationship between siblings. In the picture below Riaan found his way to his sister and slept right next to her for the next 2 hours .

Friday, May 14, 2010

School Update

My sweet Riaan.We have officially been in school for one month . It's amazing to look back and remember how much anxiety and concern I had going into because now I am happy to drop him off.

Every week he gets his speech therapy and language group while there and we are already experience him saying new words like" water" and " wait".

We are so filled with joy when he is excited to go to school, when he waves and says " bye" to the kids in his, when he huges his new friends.

Recently they had a walk-a-thon at school to support families who need scholarships to attend this perschool.

For Mother's day there class made braclets and cards. I was so proud of him when he gave it to me. He was as excited as I was . We have noticed since school started he is more able to stick with a task like painting for longer that he has been really enjoying crafts he wasnt able to before .

We are already sad that school will be ending June 17 and have started looking for our options for the summer . Many have suggested a daycare situation but I am concerned that most wont be able to provide the attention Riaan may need. Even though Riaan's special needs are apparent all the time we would only want to send hm somewhere where the staff is trained accordingly .

Riaan's Birthday Party

I am so behind on sharing our memories . I hope to be able to one day look back and share these memories through my eyes with my kids. We have decided to print my blog and form a book for each kid. Every year until well I decide I cant or don't want to blog anymore we will bind my words for them to read when they are ready. I hope they can read with confidence the love that I have for them . That this blog is to share the good and the bad. That sometimes that bad is hard to deal with and allowing yourself an outlook to write or share is a positive way to express yourself .

On April 11th we had Riaan's 3rd birthday . It was amazing . We planned for it to be at a local park by our house and the weather wasn't perfect but it was good enough to be able to enjoy bubbles, a pinata and friends.

The last two years we celebrated small.For his first birthday we spent with Stephan's family as we had just arrived in Virgina and his second birthday we met friends and family at a local restaurant . This year I was consumed with the need for him to feel the importance of his birthday .

We love you sweet boy and have amazing hopes for you . You have grown so much over the last year and we are proud and amazed with the progress you have made . We hope this year is full of words and adventures.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Lyla Mae

Is it possible Lyla turned 1 on April 10th and I am just now writing this . Is it possible my days of taking kiddos to school , picking them up and going to PTA meetings have began so I haven't had the time, the energy or the chance to take to write about her and her birthday ?


The answers the those questions are YES.

I can still remember clear as day when my water broke. The dreams and hopes I had been building for the last 9 months were coming true. I was going to have a vbac in our home. In our bath tub . Fat forward multiple days and hours we are walking into the hospital, the one place I was so determined not to face again .

Fast forward 14 hours of pitocin and pain. My sweet but screaming ( she's still screaming today) Lyla Mae was born . Her VBAC brought healing for me , a sister for her brother, a daughter for her father and a granddaughter for her grandparents. We loved her and she nursed and she was perfect.

Our family was complete . It was a perfect blend of girly and boyish . Today we look back and realize we missed so many clues with Riaan that is so bitter sweet. At 12 months lyla will try to imitate what you are saying . She has 10 words she uses regularly .She walks and is very opinionated.

She is all girl. She loves her dollies, everything pink and loves reading princess books . As for her brother, he couldn't love her more . He loves to carry her and we are working on him NOT picking her up around her neck . He loves to sit by her and we are working on him NOT sitting on her. He likes to share his food with her and we are working on him NOT shoving it in her mouth.As you can see they have a special relationship and at the end of the day when we climb into our family bed he hugs her and kisses her and it melts it all away .

We had a great birthday party for her with some of our closest family and friends that I would love to share but right now I need to go make dinner.

We have so many hopes in dream for you little girl . We hope you can learn to be a good daughter, wife and mother some day . We hope that you can see the world for the good and not just for the bad . We hope you can experience being loved unconditionally and hope you know you can always come home .