We first got the news that his ears are fine . Then we went to the pediatrician on Friday where she said we need to get in to see a genetic counselor. We need to get lots of blood taken from my 2.5 year old and see what his DNA looks like .
I am flat out nervous, scared and hopeful all at the same time . When he wasn't talking at 2 I never realized it would lead to specialist pediatrician, audiologist, neurologist and genetics testing .
I have seen it written and spoke with mothers about how they grief a lose when there children start this journey, when they know there child is different. That is scary to me . I had a friend share a story with me how in 1st grade she had a kid in her class that would hit his head on the desk. She said there is always one of those kids. I DON'T WANT THAT KID. Is that terrible ?
I was invited to go to * MOCHA* today.Which is a group that is for mothers of children with autism. I couldn't bring myself to go . I wanted to . My gut said go . But the anxiety of admitting that something is wrong with my son is scary.
Tell now I have been so level headed. I have tried to stay positive and remember all I wanted for him was to live a " Normal" life. Well now I am scared he wont get that . I am scared we will not be able to provide things he needs.
I read about these wonderful people with such hard journey's and this sense of peace because of god. Well truth be told I am not feeling that today.