Saturday, September 26, 2009

Frustration, Anxiety and A Good Cry

We first got the news that his ears are fine . Then we went to the pediatrician on Friday where she said we need to get in to see a genetic counselor. We need to get lots of blood taken from my 2.5 year old and see what his DNA looks like .

I am flat out nervous, scared and hopeful all at the same time . When he wasn't talking at 2 I never realized it would lead to specialist pediatrician, audiologist, neurologist and genetics testing .

I have seen it written and spoke with mothers about how they grief a lose when there children start this journey, when they know there child is different. That is scary to me . I had a friend share a story with me how in 1st grade she had a kid in her class that would hit his head on the desk. She said there is always one of those kids. I DON'T WANT THAT KID. Is that terrible ?

I was invited to go to * MOCHA* today.Which is a group that is for mothers of children with autism. I couldn't bring myself to go . I wanted to . My gut said go . But the anxiety of admitting that something is wrong with my son is scary.

Tell now I have been so level headed. I have tried to stay positive and remember all I wanted for him was to live a " Normal" life. Well now I am scared he wont get that . I am scared we will not be able to provide things he needs.

I read about these wonderful people with such hard journey's and this sense of peace because of god. Well truth be told I am not feeling that today.

1 comment:

  1. I'm here for you, girl. Know that God did have His hand on your little boy. He created him, and then placed him in your womb. God doesn't make mistakes, and He knew that you would be going through this. We may not know why, but we do know that He takes our pain, and uses it for good. Riaan is so blessed to have you for a Mom. You're strong, loving, kind, caring, compassionate, and a darn good mom.