If anyone has been to our house recently they have seen Riaan hurt Lyla. He has taken to pushing her over, simply ignoring she is in his way and trample her, he likes to take her toys out of her hands and request me to put her down . It has been hard, frustrating and simply uncomfortable for everyone. I have taken to putting him in timeout which hurts me as it hurts him.
Recently I have started down a path of Nonviolent communication and have realized this:
Our cultural training calls on us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who did what wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police officer, enforcing the consequences. These are thankless jobs that usually result in frustration, resentment, pain, and separation between parent and child and between the children themselves.
I am struggling to work on this . How do you deal with your children fighting ?
This one is really hard for me. :-( E does many of the same things, and it is extremely hard for me not to pass judgement (and do a mama-bear freak out). We do time outs too, which I don't like, but my "talk it out" methods that I have used with my girls doesn't seem to work.
ReplyDeleteWith my girls, at 11 and 8, I sometimes enforce "couch time." They get to hang out there until they make friends again. It seems that to prevent the bickering and fighting, I need to ensure they get their one-on-one and keep their cups fill. I guess that's true with small one too, though its a pretty exhausting phase to *be present* and *attentive* ALL. THE. TIME.
Looking forward to the NVC classes! I got my books in the mail on Saturday.