The truth is this month is hard. I have struggled to except on February 13th 4 years ago we lost a baby at 20 weeks . Our first son . He was perfect in every way. There was no reason my placenta came off the wall of my uterus. There was nothing left but the pain and not understanding how this child, my child died inside of me .
Every year since we have been crazy busy with other healthy pregnancies, moving across the country and back,the blessing and struggles of raising a family but this year was different. We were back in Seattle where we loved. We had life under control. We have adjusted to having 2 children . This year it hit me like a ton of bricks. The idea that we are missing that child was so hard.
My husband struggles at knowing what I can handle.So he didn't even mention it .It is rarely mentioned anyway. But this day I needed him to say something. Just anything but the day went on like nothing and I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it .
After a few freak outs about dishes,laundry, and things that doesnt really matter.
Tears shed for no reason he acknowledged we could have done something if I wanted . That all I had to do was say something . All I could do was yell at him and say " I needed you to say something."
He didnt understand. I could see it in his face.
He wanted to understand but then I couldnt explain it . I cant really explain it now.