Our journey of the Unknown

Peaceful Parenting in Bad Taste

2010-07-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

There is a blog and Facebook page for a group called peaceful parenting . In the past I have read there posts and FB links. I found there information worth wild and well researched.

Recently on Facebook they posted a link with a picture to a site showing dead babies in cruel and unusual ways. Many mothers were offended and didnt appreciate this showing up in there "thread" on facebook. When asked to remove it or when it was brought to PP notice that is was inappropriate to do that with a picture because it brings up hard emotions for people they deleted comments, removed members and blocked some members from being able to comment on posts.

This was there response

peaceful parenting to those upset that we identified & asked you to report the violent "Dead Babies" Facebook Page: As horrific (and evil) as it truly is to joke about this serious and somber subject, we feel we have a social responsibility to bring an END to things like this. It should not be allowed on FB. We were not able to post a link to the page w/out the thumbnail showing up. (cont. below)

peaceful parenting After discussion between moderators, we decided to post. Your sacrifice in looking at & reporting the page will hopefully eliminate the need for thousands of others to see it as well.

Lots of people asked and posted questions like this

But why delete the comments on the PP wall? Many times I've seen a bit more of a warning such as "Loss Trigger" etc. which might have been appropriate here. While I certainly agree that the picture should be reported and removed I think that the posting of the article could have been done a bit more sensitively. I want to add that I really appreciate your page and the incredible info I've received from it.

I personally had my repectful comment removed. I shared that I had lost a baby at 20 weeks and struggled seeing that picture even just for a minute. They chose to respond to me with no emotion and lack of care.

I feel the need to share there way of handling this because it shows poor judgement and they need to realize that when dealing with mothers and children emotions are heavily involved.

Checking in

2010-07-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,How is your summer going ?

Ours has been a mix of preschool 2 a week and me working 3 days a week . Seems like it has been crazy but cant really think what we did most days. I have found time though to do Lyla's hair everyday.

This couldnt be cutier right ?

Riaan has started talking so much, combinding words and trying so hard to communicate. Everyday he tries hardier and I really hope by September his teacher notices a diffrence.He has became very camera shy and this is what alot of his pictures look like now .

We have bbeen taking Riaan swimming once a week and he is finally getting into the pool. Sometime through the summer he forgot how great it was to swim but is happy to adventure in it now .

Nothing to exciting on this front. I have more to share but the lack of time is stopping my words from coming.

Sibling Rivalry

2010-06-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

If anyone has been to our house recently they have seen Riaan hurt Lyla. He has taken to pushing her over, simply ignoring she is in his way and trample her, he likes to take her toys out of her hands and request me to put her down . It has been hard, frustrating and simply uncomfortable for everyone. I have taken to putting him in timeout which hurts me as it hurts him.

Recently I have started down a path of Nonviolent communication and have realized this:

Our cultural training calls on us to immediately take two roles: the judge, determining who did what wrong and what the consequences will be, and the police officer, enforcing the consequences. These are thankless jobs that usually result in frustration, resentment, pain, and separation between parent and child and between the children themselves.

I am struggling to work on this . How do you deal with your children fighting ?

Better Mom

2010-05-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

There has been so much chatting on Facebook this week about moms . About how one way of parenting is better versus another .

What I believe :

Attachment parenting

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130500.asp

Babywearing

http://www.thebabywearer.com/index.php?page=bwbenefits#Benefits

Extended Breastfeeding

http://www.thebabywearer.com/index.php?page=bwbenefits#Benefits

Gentle disipline

http://www.fresnofamily.com/ap/gentle.htm

Unschooling

http://www.unschooling.com/

Vaccination awarness

http://wholefoodusa.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/10-reasons-to-refuse-vaccinations/

Does that mean if you choose to spank your kid will I not be friends with you ?

NO but at the same time I would hope that you would hear my opinion and read the research about the topic.

Just because I choose not to vaccinate doesn't mean it makes a difference to me if you do .

I am struggling with people who are only willing to look at it one sided. I hope that mothers can understand that no matter the differences in Parenting styles we are all mothers . We are all striving to do the best we can and we all at time feel alone .

I know personally with Riaan being a spirited child I have lost and gained friends . I have struggled at moments and what to do , what choices will be best for him and just trying to stay calm.

The fact is...if more mothers didn't feel alone in there journey of parenting , of loss, of adoption and of having a special needs child they could reach out more . Mothers can be so judgmental to what they don't know, don't understand or don't agree with .

Have you reached out to another mom today ? You could make someones day by just simply sending a thoughtful thought to them .

I want to end on a thought about the family bed.

Relationship

The family bed fosters strong relationships. For mothers or fathers who work all day, this may be the only time they get to have physical “cuddle time” with their child. And, once again, the family bed facilitates the breastfeeding relationship, which fosters important, healthful bonds that set the stage for healthy, functional relationships later in life. But recently it has shown that it strengthens the relationship between siblings. In the picture below Riaan found his way to his sister and slept right next to her for the next 2 hours .

School Update

2010-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

My sweet Riaan.We have officially been in school for one month . It's amazing to look back and remember how much anxiety and concern I had going into because now I am happy to drop him off.

Every week he gets his speech therapy and language group while there and we are already experience him saying new words like" water" and " wait".

We are so filled with joy when he is excited to go to school, when he waves and says " bye" to the kids in his, when he huges his new friends.

Recently they had a walk-a-thon at school to support families who need scholarships to attend this perschool.

For Mother's day there class made braclets and cards. I was so proud of him when he gave it to me. He was as excited as I was . We have noticed since school started he is more able to stick with a task like painting for longer that he has been really enjoying crafts he wasnt able to before .

We are already sad that school will be ending June 17 and have started looking for our options for the summer . Many have suggested a daycare situation but I am concerned that most wont be able to provide the attention Riaan may need. Even though Riaan's special needs are apparent all the time we would only want to send hm somewhere where the staff is trained accordingly .

Riaan's Birthday Party

2010-05-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

I am so behind on sharing our memories . I hope to be able to one day look back and share these memories through my eyes with my kids. We have decided to print my blog and form a book for each kid. Every year until well I decide I cant or don't want to blog anymore we will bind my words for them to read when they are ready. I hope they can read with confidence the love that I have for them . That this blog is to share the good and the bad. That sometimes that bad is hard to deal with and allowing yourself an outlook to write or share is a positive way to express yourself .

On April 11th we had Riaan's 3rd birthday . It was amazing . We planned for it to be at a local park by our house and the weather wasn't perfect but it was good enough to be able to enjoy bubbles, a pinata and friends.

The last two years we celebrated small.For his first birthday we spent with Stephan's family as we had just arrived in Virgina and his second birthday we met friends and family at a local restaurant . This year I was consumed with the need for him to feel the importance of his birthday .

We love you sweet boy and have amazing hopes for you . You have grown so much over the last year and we are proud and amazed with the progress you have made . We hope this year is full of words and adventures.

Lyla Mae

2010-05-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

Is it possible Lyla turned 1 on April 10th and I am just now writing this . Is it possible my days of taking kiddos to school , picking them up and going to PTA meetings have began so I haven't had the time, the energy or the chance to take to write about her and her birthday ?

YES.

The answers the those questions are YES.

I can still remember clear as day when my water broke. The dreams and hopes I had been building for the last 9 months were coming true. I was going to have a vbac in our home. In our bath tub . Fat forward multiple days and hours we are walking into the hospital, the one place I was so determined not to face again .

Fast forward 14 hours of pitocin and pain. My sweet but screaming ( she's still screaming today) Lyla Mae was born . Her VBAC brought healing for me , a sister for her brother, a daughter for her father and a granddaughter for her grandparents. We loved her and she nursed and she was perfect.

Our family was complete . It was a perfect blend of girly and boyish . Today we look back and realize we missed so many clues with Riaan that is so bitter sweet. At 12 months lyla will try to imitate what you are saying . She has 10 words she uses regularly .She walks and is very opinionated.

She is all girl. She loves her dollies, everything pink and loves reading princess books . As for her brother, he couldn't love her more . He loves to carry her and we are working on him NOT picking her up around her neck . He loves to sit by her and we are working on him NOT sitting on her. He likes to share his food with her and we are working on him NOT shoving it in her mouth.As you can see they have a special relationship and at the end of the day when we climb into our family bed he hugs her and kisses her and it melts it all away .

We had a great birthday party for her with some of our closest family and friends that I would love to share but right now I need to go make dinner.

We have so many hopes in dream for you little girl . We hope you can learn to be a good daughter, wife and mother some day . We hope that you can see the world for the good and not just for the bad . We hope you can experience being loved unconditionally and hope you know you can always come home .

Our first day of school

2010-04-19T17:32:00.001-07:00

Monday the 12th of April was the first day of preschool for Riaan . We woke up at 6:30 which in our house is never been done before . Riaan woke up tired and grumpy. I woke up scared, anxious and unsure if I..read it I could do it .

But we did .

We pulled into the school 10 minutes early but I couldnt bring myself to get out of the car!I sit there watching mom after mom happily dropping there kids off.

I am sure your wondering what I was thinking ? Right? I know you want to know.

Well my the truth I was thinking look at all those stupid moms ! I was almost sad for those children whos parents wanted them to love school. Truth is I wanted to run away and go home . I wanted to snuggle my Riaan in bed and watch his 101 dalmations movie.Then the teacher started to take the kids in to the school.While I was still feeling sad for all those poor kids!

Well then it happened. I snapped out of it and said ok i can do this . I walked him in, with him crying and unhappy. I left him in class of 11 other children and 3 teachers.

I hugged and kissed him goodbye . He cried. I put my brave face on. As I walk through the school doors and see my car. I loose it . My tears come and I honest to god think I should just go back in and get him . I honest to god thought that.

I may be crazy .

But 2.5 hours later I show up and his sweet little face lights up when he see's me and I am reassured from the teachers he had a good day . That he loved recess ( just like his mama did ) and that he ate lots of gold fish( big surprise I am sure he sucked the Gluten right out of them).

3 Years old

2010-04-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

I cant believe Riaan is 3.

His birth was a long c-section . I was hoping for a vaginal, not medicated birth by a man OB. What I got was a stressed out man because of my high blood pressure that I think he was giving me . But either Way he was born . 5 pounds 4 ounces and just screaming.

He was tiny and perfect and we loved him so much.

After 11 hours in the NICU to make sure being born at 36 weeks had no side effects he was rolled in and I knew from the moment I looked at him our lives were forever changed.

We have struggled as new and young parents. From doing what others told us to following our instincts.

We soon found our groove and we decided what are baby wanted he deserved.

We decided to follow Attachment Parenting Philosiphys because not only did they feel right but wow were they easy .

As we connected and bonded with our son by babywearing ,co-sleeping and breastfeeding he grew strong and larger everyday .

Today we celebrate that my 5 pound baby is a thriving 70 pound 3 year old who enjoys life so much . The joys and struggles of having a special needs child in our life is pentyfull but I wouldnt change it for the world.

The decision has been made

2010-04-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

Riaan is going to preschool.April 12th.

They just want me to drop him off. I have decided to drop him off and hang around the school that day . I wont be in class but thankfully they have an observation window where I can look in and he cant see me .

I am thankful that they will have an assistant in class to give him 100% attention for the first week . I am so scared and nervous, but I cant know if he is ready without trying.

http://www.nsd.org/education/school/school.php?sectionid=31

I really did like the teacher and she used words that comforted me like .

Nurture

Cared

Loved

Protect

Please keep us in your thoughts as we continue this journey of the unknown.

The Truth

2010-02-24T18:10:00.000-08:00

The truth is this month is hard. I have struggled to except on February 13th 4 years ago we lost a baby at 20 weeks . Our first son . He was perfect in every way. There was no reason my placenta came off the wall of my uterus. There was nothing left but the pain and not understanding how this child, my child died inside of me .

Every year since we have been crazy busy with other healthy pregnancies, moving across the country and back,the blessing and struggles of raising a family but this year was different. We were back in Seattle where we loved. We had life under control. We have adjusted to having 2 children . This year it hit me like a ton of bricks. The idea that we are missing that child was so hard.

My husband struggles at knowing what I can handle.So he didn't even mention it .It is rarely mentioned anyway. But this day I needed him to say something. Just anything but the day went on like nothing and I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it .

After a few freak outs about dishes,laundry, and things that doesnt really matter.

Tears shed for no reason he acknowledged we could have done something if I wanted . That all I had to do was say something . All I could do was yell at him and say " I needed you to say something."

He didnt understand. I could see it in his face.

He wanted to understand but then I couldnt explain it . I cant really explain it now.

What is too much ?

2010-02-23T17:22:00.000-08:00

I am having some personal real life issues . I am wanting to use my blog to vent about the struggles of being a mom, wife and real women . But where should the line be drawn ?

Is telling you my marriage is struggling, too much ? That we are fighting and what about too much ?

Is allowing the public read my personal struggles as finding the balance between two kids and how sometimes I fail so terribly bad fail too much ? We have started to use time out and it hurts. I feel like a failure but when my son inflicts pain on my daughter I dont know what else to do . Is allowing you to read that too much .

My mother always said you should never write down anything too personal . My mother in law seems to think personal should remain personal and that many of our secrets should be that and kept within families . For me I want to vent . I want to write to you all about my life, the good, the bad and the very true reality of the ugly .

But then if I allow myself to be so out there I allow you to judge me . To judge me for allowing my 3 year old to have a bottle because well I dont want to fight him about it . To judge me for eating McDonalds two days in a row because I was to lazy to cook. To judge me for yelling at my husband when he didnt deserve it and for the time he did .

Where do you find that balance ?

Mean and Harsh

2010-02-22T21:19:00.000-08:00

I know that some people dont believe there is any link to autism and vaccines. I know this is a highly sensative topic for people . But where should the line be drawn ? I am sad tonight to read a thread that was posted on facebook . People were bashed, names were called and I am sure tears were shed .

I do believe there is a link, you take children with lower immune systems and pump them full of chemicals and I do believe there bodies re-act to it . I am intitled to this belief. I choose not to vaccinate my children and I also choose to not judge you if you do . Why do people who choose to vaccinate there children believe they have the right to judge me for not vaccinating ?

I dont care what Jenny McCarthy says or some random scientist says. I believe what I see, I believe what mother's of struggling children say . Why is it so hard for the medical field to listen to mothers? To people who are living with autism everyday ?

Shouldnt they be the ones we hear and listen to ? Why do scientists believe that one study tells them everything ?

I am so sad for all the families that struggle daily like we do . I know many more struggle more then us and less then us . But I think every family with children who have autism can agree on one thing . Our children are amazing and no label will change that .

Unschooling

2010-02-20T12:48:00.000-08:00

This is a post I have been wanting to do for so long now .

A post of thoughts, beliefs and ideas.

For those of you that dont know unschooling means so much but to me it means The process of learning, the process of knowing yourself, openness, confidence, self-determination, independent thinking, critical thinking....none of which one gets when following other people's agenda. Making one's own agenda is what it is all about.

Specially with Riaan being my special child I want him to see the world his own way .I want him to show me the world in his special way.

I believe that unschooling allows our children to explore what they want while us as parents, teachers and friends show them everything is a learning experience . We are trying to teach Riaan color's .

Today's unschooling lesson :

Riaan " dog "

me " black dog "

Riaan " dog "

me " black dog "

Lesson learned not just a dog but a black dog.We took an everyday situation and turned it into a learning experience . I hope my special boy gets to learn everyday in his own way at home with me after his speech catch's up .

The Right Road

2010-02-19T19:48:00.000-08:00

We are searching for the right road.

We wished it wouldnt happen.

We feel blessed it didnt happen sooner.

We are nervous about what the future has to hold.

So many men and women before him have had to face this .

My husband has lost his job.

He was laid off.

I dont work .

We have 2 small children .

We are searching for the right road .

School ?

Take whatever job is available ?

Should I go back to work ?

The possibilities and the uncertainty are facing us straight ahead.

We are looking for the right road.

When it Rains....

2010-02-18T19:42:00.000-08:00

It pours around here. First my kids have been so sick . What am I suppose to do keep them caged up so we dont get sick ? Fever's over 103 for 2 days , puking all over everything, and well a mean grump of a sleep deprived mama is what this house has been experiencing . It seems the overall feeling around our home and homes of our friends is that we are ready for spring .

Please let winter and cold season be over.

We did manage to get out and play some last week, look at this sweet handsome size of 5 year old but is actually only 2 little man. He was so excited to hang out in the woods with his mama and nana to explore .

Banana Muffins

2010-01-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

I love this reciepe it was easy, good, and it made tons which around here is always a plus .

• GLUTEN-FREE BANANA MUFFINS

Makes 24 muffins

Ingredients

10 tablespoons butter

1 1⁄4 cups sugar

4 eggs

4 ripe bananas

1 teaspoon gluten-free vanilla

1 3⁄4 cups gluten-free flour blend, recipe follows

1⁄4 cup sweet rice flour (also called glutinous rice flour)

1 tablespoon baking powder

1⁄4 teaspoon xantham gum

Putting it together

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup muffin pans with muffin liners or spray pans with non-stick spray. Cream butter and sugar; mix in eggs; add bananas and vanilla. Stir in flours, baking powder and xantham gum. Mix well.

Fill muffin cups 2⁄3 to 3⁄4 full.

Bake approximately 25 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

Let cool and enjoy.

• GLUTEN-FREE FLOUR BLEND

Ingredients

3⁄4 cup brown rice flour

1⁄3 cup tapioca flour

1⁄3 cup coconut flour

1⁄3 cup sorghum flour

• • •

Father like Daughter

2010-01-15T12:38:00.000-08:00

People always remind me my kids are nothing like me, they dont look like me and they have so many of my dear sweet husbands characteristics. Here are some pictures to show you what I mean .

Clean clean clean

2010-01-14T12:30:00.000-08:00

If you know me this wont surprise you but I am not so clean. I prefer daily to play with my kids, drink my coffee or coke and just hang out . Enjoying the moments each day before they are to big to want to enjoy them with me is a daily goal . Well because I am so concerned about missing them I forget about my house. Dishes go uncleaned, my laundry is always in piles around the house and besides getting vaccumed everyday that is all I am good for .

Do you clean everyday ? How do you find the time ?

But my IN-LAWS are coming and am I scared for them to see my mess! So what do you ask I do ? Do I clean myself ? no I cant there is way to much to do and I am just not that good in the first place. So what then ? I hire help . This sweet girl comes and loves my kids and cleans my house ! She can do both! I wish I could.

I know that when my in-laws come my house will be clean and my kids will be happy.Beat that !

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-13T12:29:00.000-08:00

Been awhile and I dont think this picture needs a caption so I am stopping my words right about .....now

Preschool

2010-01-12T12:36:00.001-08:00

Preschool starts April 12! I am scared. I am nervous. I dont know how I am gonna take it . But Riaan, he's ready. He will do amazing . He needs this .So now he just has to teach me how to be so brave.Dont you love this picture, they are all sitting in the playroom ( it was 11pm by the way)

How was your christmas ?

2010-01-12T12:15:00.001-08:00

I know I am super late on this post but we are still recovering from the holidays around here . Our Christmas was easy going we woke up and my mom "nana" and my brother Cris " dude" were here . Riaans face looked like this when he was some presents that didn't need to be opened.

Even Lyla was excited to see her new toy that daddy already put together for her.

Everyone else though was exhausted from my birthday party the night before. After opening presents daddy and Riaan put together his new tool bench.

Thankfully after the ham was in the oven we were all ready to take a nap. Look at these sweet sleeping babies.

I am so Thankfully we decided to do Christmas. It was just the way I imagined it. We had an easy going day playing with toys, eating Chinese food left overs, watching funny movies and spending time together which in my opinion made the best Christmas.

Next year we will be traveling to Virgina for Christmas and I hope next year will be just as great.

Virginia

2009-12-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

We lived a year in another state . We searched for new friends, connections with people who raise there kids the way we do, we wanted to connect with Stephans family and fill that void he had felt for so long .

We made the decision to move back. Did we fail? I sometimes wonder if we had lasted longer where we would be ?

Many dont know this but Stephan and I were ready to seperate while there. There was talk of him staying and me ( pregnant at the time ) leaving with Riaan and coming home . There were fights, there were tears, there was a total lack of connection with his family who seemed to express hurtful feelings towards me that I could never explain .But I cant tell you many details .

Why cant I remeber the details? I look back and cant tell you what the fights were about, or the hurtful things that were said, or why we decided last minute to move back to Washington when I was 34 weeks pregnant .

I wonder really was it so bad? I wanted to come " Home " and realized I came " home " to nothing more then we had in Virgnia.

I am blessed with healthy kids, a happy husband who wants to spend time with his family so why is that I struggle with happiness. I am blessed.

Compassion

2009-12-29T22:57:00.000-08:00

Compassion-n.
Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it. See synonyms at pity.

I dont pity people when I have compassion for them . I struggle to remember to show and express compassion for those close to me when I can show compassion to strangers without a second guess.

Why is it that our hearts hurt for others we dont know but when it comes to the ones closest to us we forget them? Is it because we dont know others stories? Is it because the resentments and past arguements stop us from showing compassion to the most important people in our lives ? This year that is my goal, my new years resolution if you may .

After living in Virginia for a year, almost seperating from my husband, having a special needs child with learning delays and a very needy baby I want to work on shows and expressing in words my compassion and concern for them.

I want to tell my husband daily, he works hard and I appreciate that he does so I can stay home and raise our children . I want Riaan to know no matter what may or may not be wrong we will figure it out and support him however we can . I want Lyla to be as attached as Riaan is .

Each is there own person

2009-12-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

I struggle daily comparing my two children.The good , the bad , the way they do things, and what stages Riaan has passed and Lyla is approaching . Today with everyone sick we are reminded how diffrent my children really are . Riaan has always been a good sleeper, not great but not bad like his little sister. Take this picture for example.

Riaan and daddy are fast a sleep and Lyla is tossing and turning in the back just to decide she wont sleep.

Here is daddy and Riaan just moments ago sleeping there sickness away.

I am sure after Lyla cried for 45 minutes today and slept 3 hours and woke to cry for many more hours she would be snuggled in bed too. But I beg a differ. My cranky baby who wont eat, wont nurse and wants nothing but to cry seems very content tonight on the floor of the kitchen.Dont you agree?

Toy Story

2009-12-19T20:29:00.000-08:00

So Riaan's favorite movie, toy, t-shirt right now all is Toy Story themed. We watch Toy Story 1 and 2 every day. He demands the shirts, teh sweatshirt, the pj's. He carries woody around the house and crys if we dont wonder into the disney store at the mall just to stand and look at the Toy Story toys. Before I would think oh how cute a child into a movie, normal right ? But no now I worry is he becoming fixated, is this a sign of autism?

I am thankful to be trying to put aside my concern as our genetics testing came back all normal. THANK GOD ( whatever that means). I feel so thankful and some how in my mind I know someone or something was watching out for our family . I was so scared of this, I was so scared something was so wrong with our child. I mean you cant fix genetics .

We now wait the pediatrician feels comfortable with waiting tell Riaan is 3 to do anymore testing . Now we just need Riaan to start talking .

Lyla Update 8 months

2009-12-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

Look at these cool new tricks she has recently started to show us....

She has decided she wants to skip crawling on her hands and knees and it going to go straight to pulling herself up and taking steps. I will tell you this I have never seen any child army crawl as fast as she does . She recently found the love of the bathroom and we cant seem to keep her out of there .

New this week Riaan is loving giving her presents to open because he knows he isnt suppose to but hey really so cute watching them be naughty together !

Alpaca

2009-12-17T20:08:00.000-08:00

Well I dont know what an alpaca is or what one looks like or where they live but I do know this.....

My kiddo's sure look cute in there new hats and matching baby legs from Annabella Knits and they are made from Aplaca which is by far the softest wool I have ever felt.

Winter's Come and Go

2009-12-16T21:00:00.000-08:00

This time last year we were knee deep in snow and sweet Riaan wasn't in love with it at all . But this year we are doing nothing but wearing our rain boots and splashing in puddles. I am slightly dreaming of a white Christmas because we will be staying in our cozy own home this year with no where to go but the couch so being snowed in this year wouldn't be so bad .

The Constant Gardner

2009-11-22T22:42:00.000-08:00

Have you seen this movie ? I hadn't tell just hours ago.

Besides it starting very slow and me wanting to totally give up on the movie when she looses a full term baby and they show her nursing another baby who's mother is dying...The movie was great.

It wasn't what I was expecting, it was a wonderful movie full of twists and turns and a terribly sad ending but it makes me wonder.

I wonder alot.

About our government, the push for vaccinations and ob's.

Did you know is 1900 more then half of births were home births? Then by 1935 the number decreased to 12.5 %? Do you know why ?

Because the medicine community portrayed midwives as dirty, illiterate, and ignorant and women were convinced that they were safer in the hands of doctors and hospitals.

Birth evolved from a physiological event into a medical procedure.

By the 1960s, these interventions were common in all American hospitals and women were unaware of any other way to give birth (as well as unaware when they were giving birth!). In addition, women were forced to labor without presence or support from partners or family, infants were taken from the mother at delivery and cared for in newborn nurseries, bottlefeeding became the norm, and babies born outside the sterile environment of the operating room were labeled contaminated and kept separately. There was no scientific rationale for any of these procedures; to the contrary, many of them were eventually shown to be harmful.

Did you know we rank 29th place in Infant death ? Why are we so high on this list when our doctors know so much ?

So off topic I KNOW...

The point....

That just like doctors delivery our babies and not midwives and people vaccinating or not we don't know the long term effects of so many things.

So why do we allow it? In the Constant Gardner all these poor people where being used for drug testing and dying. The government was hiding it because it would cost them thousands to fix the problem back in a lab .

For me I think the bottom line is that most people don't really know what's going on . Most people don't question why the formula companies are paying for breastfeeding ads, they don't question why coke-a-cola is Paying millions into our school's ?

They are doing it because they get something out of it . So what is the governement getting out of us vaccinating ? Having our babies in hospitals? Why dont we have more studies done to show how safe VBAC's are ? Why are we still reading medical information for 20 years ago ? Why arent our doctors up to date on all of this information ?

The Year without Christmas

2009-11-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

The year without christmas was going to be this year! I thought in the middle of night while my daughter had woke for the 8th time maybe this year we wont do christmas. Why bother ? I felt no need for the hussle and bussle of it all. I felt no need of it all. I had no energy or desire so I thought lets boycott christmas.

I want to add my last years of christmas havent been great. Last year we were snowed in my uncles house which wasnt fun. The year before that we spent with my family nothing special nothing to remeber. The year before that we spent all day traveling to Virgina. So you see nothing special. Maybe thats what has me boycotting Christmas the fear my children wont experience something Special on Christmas.

I woke the next day releaved almost to not have to worry about tree's, cookies, decorations and lights. I was almost looking forward to staying at home enjoying a good movie and a can of coke with my family .

That same morning I started to tell people I decided we arent doing Christmas and it doesnt really matter and my kids wont know the diffrence and bla bla bla. Well the reviews were mixed...Some didnt seem shocked..Some didnt care...Some said I was crazy and whats next...Then there was sweet J who loves christmas and already has her christmas tree up ( who's crazy really ? ) and my sweet Stephan who said I couldnt boycott. They said no need to go big and wild but stay sweet and small and enjoy this year for what it is meant to be .

So this year I may get a tree, I may do some gifts, and I may put window stickers up of little elves making toys but what I know I will do...I will stay home enjoying my family, a good movie and drinking a coke just like I wanted to .

C-sections

2009-11-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

So birth is a hard subject for a few reasons-

1.) Emotions run high when we speak about our children and our choices

2.) Everyone has a different expectation and desire

3.) One way is not right for everyone

With this said I have had 2 different experience's-

1.) An emergency c-section a month early, I remember the the emotion of fear, uncertainty and of knowing this was not how I wanted to enter into motherhood.

2.) We planned a home birth VBAC to help heal the emotional pain I had felt of struggling to breastfeed, to care for my baby and most of all just function as a new mother should. We sadly didn't get our home birth, after my water broke and no contractions for 3 days we headed to hospital . I was scared. I had failed to birth the way nature intended. I failed again . After I processed through all of this I accepted going to the hospital but still had my heart set on a VBAC. I was determined to feel the pain, the pleasure and the intensity of birth . I thankfully got my VBAC and labored 14 hours on Pitocin to finally birth a 7 pound 3 ounce little girl who I birthed vaginally.

I am sure you are thinking why are you blogging about this on a random day in November? Well I will tell you a friend of ours decided to have a c-section . She decided against the way nature intended . She for no reason felt that a c-section would be a better choice for her and her baby. I am sad for them . I did try to change her mind ! I will admit I stepped on toes and tried to explain so much stuff to her. Here are just a few reason's elective c-sections aren't the best option in my opinion.

I know some c-sections are amazing gifts to people to save there children and we arent talking about that here. We are talking about choosing an elective c-section just because. I feel like if society didnt scare us into believeing birth is such a scary thing more women would choose to birth vaginally .
1.c-section can be a violation of your body

2.A c-section is also physically damaging. It is a major abdominal surgery.

3.There is a higher risk of blot clots following a c-section than a vaginal birth.

4.Hysterectomy is more common after cesarean.

5. The risk of maternal death is higher.

6.Babies born by c-section are much more likely to have respiratory problems than babies born by vaginal birth.

7.Babies who are born by cesarean section may have a harder time breastfeeding. The first nursing session is almost always delayed and it may be harder for the mother and baby to establish the breastfeeding relationship.

8.Women who have cesareans suffer from more infertility than women who have vaginal births.

9.One in three babies is brought into the world by surgery this is not what nature intended.

10. Even though VBAC's do happen sadly they are few and far between and women who have them have to fight for them so you are in most cases choosing to have more c-sections in the future.

Halloween

2009-10-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

So Riaan wanted nothing to do with carving the pumpkin we bought.But hey daddy had fun carving it and Riaan warmed up to the idea once he saw he could use a knife !

But Riaan did enjoy painting his own pumpkin.Cant you see the enjoyment in his face.

Yum Prunes

2009-10-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

Miss Lyla has decided she is ready!

She has 2 teeth, she army crawls all over the house and recently fell in love with snickers.

She thought it was time to eat some prunes.I am sure your just dying to know how it went . Well take a look and see for yourself.

You Think What?

2009-10-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

Yep thats what I was thinking when I read this.

" extremely obese, developmentally delayed 2 year old male"

What the Fuck? Really?

Yep thats what the genetics testing paperwork work said.

I couldnt help myself. I looked at my husband and said..

"Great they think we have a fat retarded kid ?"

I know I know that is mean and terrible for me to say but wow lets kick a mom when she down. I did not need to read that .

It is amazing...

2009-10-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how the little things seem so exciting . Last night it was Riaan saying "more" very clearly after my husband asked him to say " more". Today it was his little sister waking up and him waving and sayinh "HI". With my shock I go Riaan can you say "HI" and he said it ! Maybe I am wrong maybe things are helping, maybe he is learning from the therapy.

Thursday we go into the SSI office to talk about our options. We go in right before our flight for VA. I hope it goes well and they are willing to help pay for more therapy and Riaan's developmental preschool.

Therapy, Evalutation Revisted

2009-10-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today we had speech therapy as well as we re-evaluated our goals . Thankfully in the 3 months Riaan has started speech his speech has gone from 11 months to 19 months. He is 30 months old.

We discussed we should start working towards preparing him and I for preschool. Work on sharing items. Sitting to read a book at circle time . Practicing standing and waiting . As you remember this is so scary for me . Riaan will be leaving me for 4 days a week for 2.5 hours. For some that may not seem like a lot but he is never away from me . I am scared how he will react. I am scared that they wont be able to nurture his emotions the way I feel like he needs.

Is it possible that I am more scared then he will be ? Probley.

We also discussed SSI! So unknown to me because my child is considered developmentally delayed he can receive SSI every month to help us provide for him . At first the idea of extra money to pay for things seemed so great. It seemed like a great way to provide GF foods, clothing and activities for him. But then it suck in .

What does it really mean ? It is scary to admit something is wrong, if he was just delayed would we qualify ? If he was just delayed he would catch up...What if he isn't just delayed?

Again I am put in the mind set that I am concerned he wont be able to live a normal life..What if he has to be on SSI the rest of his life because he isn't able to live a productive life and hold a job ?

To me accepting this money is like accepting that something is wrong with him .

Then we sit and we play with play-doh, we read stories and we watch tv. He seems like just a normal kid .

Scary Story

2009-10-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

So the other day started like no other day Riaan gets up and turns the tv on as I get myself and Lyla up. Meaning I pee, I brush my teeth and brush my hair. Well the other morning was different . Riaan unlocked the door and walked down our stairs, through the parking lot and heads toward the road. By the time I go out to the living room I see the door wide open, I practically throw Lyla on the floor running in my pj's down the stairs to find Riaan with a man by the road. The man proceeds to tell me to calm down and that he stopped him from going by the road.

On a side note, we live on a very busy road. A road that he could have died on .

After bringing him upstairs I was so scared and shaken I had to call my husband to come home and help with the kids because I couldn't stop crying . I couldn't stop thinking what could have happened. People keep telling me these stories of there kids getting out but it doesn't help to be honest.

The scariest thing of it all, he had no idea!

I tried explaining it and have bought baby proof locks for the door and a chain but nothing can explain how I felt in that moment.

Snicker's for you Snicker's for me

2009-10-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

Yep thats right before veggies, before fruit, before any other solid foods...Lyla gets snickers! I was shocked to walk into our kitchen and find Lyla covered in chocolate . Her sweet brother felt she needed to try some yummy chocolate.

Not Me Monday

2009-10-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Well I must say I have been busy doing nothing! This week I didn't...

* take Lyla's diaper off and she didn't poo on the floor and even after scrubbing the carpet her Breast milk poo didn't stain the floor

* Riaan didn't soak through his diaper and we all woke up covered in pee

* I didn't lean over Lyla's britax carseat and my sister didn't say " you know your just stretching your boobs out more !"

* I would never leave the house in the rain in flip flops, not wearing a bra and forgetting to brush my hair

Oh and I cant forget to share this story that is just shameful and I would conduct myself in better manner then this.

We weren't playing at the mall when a little boy lets say 5 comes up shoves Riaan from behind and Riaan falls slams his face on the toy structure and gets a bloody nose. I would never proceed to scream at the mother of this above mentioned child and tell her she needs to watch her kid . She didn't then proceed to sip her Starbucks coffee and tell me kids " do things like this ". I wouldn't then call her a bad name that starts with a "B" threaten to shove that coffee down her throat and then have security tell me calm down before they have to remove me from the mall .

Nope I would behave much better then that .

The mother then wouldn't say her kid didn't mean to and that I was over reacting. While all along Riaan was sitting in the stroller with a bloody nose and Lyla was nursing in my baby carrier.

Blog Party Woot Woot

2009-10-19T01:07:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to join in Lynnette's Last blog party so I am happy to have the time to sit down tonight and join in . Hope you take sometime and hop on over to Lynnette's blog and join in . She has such a great story and heart to share .

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?

My family. My husband is my rock even when he thinks he is letting me down. My kids are the most important thing ever.Everyday I strive to be a better person because of them .

8. Do you sleep in your make up or remove it like a good girl every night?

Um make up ? I don't remember the last time I had time to put any on.

12. What is something you love to smell?

I love the smell of pumpkin spice candles, I buy tons in the fall to last the entire year.

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?

It depends on what, I love expensive 400.00 purses but wear 2.50 old navy flip flops year round. Most of the kids clothes come from sales racks from Gymboree or Oshkosh.

Riaan Update

2009-10-19T00:36:00.001-07:00

I have been struggling finding the time to blog, I am not sure if it because I don't have the time or if it is because there is nothing to share. Sadly we aren't having progress.

At 2.5 Years old Riaan doesn't say anything but basic sounds " dada","Ssss","Boi","dis"," all done" ( not very clear)," that" . I am getting more worried. Today at dinner I almost broke down to Stephan and said what if he cant live a normal life ? What if something is really wrong?

I have an appointment for the genetics testing so I guess we now just have to wait. I keep reminding myself he is still little, he still is a baby but it is so hard to remember that when all the children around are speaking .

Today we had a good day, we had no tantrums, we played with play-doh, we watched a movie and ate an otter pop, we had a good pleasant meal out. Then he cried when we got out of the car, he was uncontrollable getting into the house and up the stairs and into the bath. After some yelling, crying he was fine . Before I would have said he was overly tired and we didn't get home tell after 8:00pm but now I think oh that was an autistic behavior or whats wrong with him that he is acting this way ?

I had a women say to me that oh my toddler didn't talk tell 3 and he is fine. Don't worry. But my gut says worry . So tonight that's what I do I worry .

Weather here nor there

2009-10-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

The weather here in Washington is a cold 40 degree's with wind that could blow you away and rain that will soak you. Maybe traveling to a far away long for Halloween wont be so bad. That 60 degree weather sounds perfect to me .

Speaking of Halloween what are you ya'll doing ?

This is what my sweet little girl will be wearing but I havent found the perfect top or head band yet.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-14T15:37:00.001-07:00

Isnt this outfit so cute, my very talented mother in law made it .

Lentil Sasauge Soup

2009-10-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Since going Gluten Free we are eating the same thing over and over again . So I decided we needed to try new things so this week we tried Lentil soup. I will be honest I had little to no faith in myself being able to cook " new " things but I was so happy with this recipe besides the fact it kind of looked like dog food!

1 pound lentils

1.5 pounds pork or beef sasauge

2 onions

2 carrots

2 celery sticks

8 cups chicken broth

salt,pepper and garlic to taste

Brown sausage with onions, add all other ingredients and sit for 4 hours.

Could that have been any easier...nope not for me . I did attempt some GFCF bisquits that actually tasted like dog food so I wont give you that recipe .

FaceBook 101

2009-10-06T11:44:00.000-07:00

So I am sure everyone has heard of facebook right ? Well I had an interesting debate on my facebook the last few weeks and I felt the need to share .

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dana-ullman/epidemic-of-fever-phobia_b_305615.html

I posted this link talking about how mild fevers are good for the body, I was not implying if your child is having a seizure or anything else you should just allow it. These are what some people commented.

Jennifer I am constantly trying to explain this!

Judy Yeah!!

Josie yeah...except have you even held your baby while they have a febrile seizure ?? NOT FUN>

Summer Or when your son is approaching brain-frying temperatures.

Roxanne I think that there is resonable temperatures versus not odviously like all other things when it comes to our children it is important to trust our instinct. A small fever at 101 or 102 is diffrent then those mentioned above.

Josie temps spike in a matter of minutes. After having my baby sieze turn blue and stop breathing in my arms i now am VERY careful with temps. Lucky for me all my babies are past the age of three. There is a fine line here though...I would never just let my kids have a fever without VERY closly monitering it...and yes I have all those homopathics in my medicine cabinant but sometimes they just plain don't work. Dye free motrin has it's place.

Kelley Though I doubt you'll be at all interested in what I have to say given our completely different views regarding medicine, here is my 2 cents:

"Fever is not some magical defense against infection. Fever is (usually) caused by the release of certain cytokines as a reaction to many different stimuli, especially infection. There is no evidence that suppression of fever prevents healing."

From Dr. Lipson on Science Based Medicine - here's a link to the whole article if you're interested. It supports everything I have learned in the last year regarding human physiology. http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?author=40 ... Read More

Personally, I have tried homeopathic medicine in the past before I had done my research, it was completely useless, and now I know better. I would never recommend the use homeopathic remedies to anyone.

Roxanne There is always a place and time for medicine dont get me wrong but also to many people are to quick to use it when we dont know enough about it.

Josie-How scary for you that happened and I totally agree with you .

Kelley- just because homeopathy didnt work for u doesnt mean it doesnt work for others.If it never worked people wouldnt keep using it . Or is this like vaccine thing as well? everyone just jumped on the wagon ?I also strongly disagree that our instincts betray us like this article u mention says.I also think that it is a shame the author that you posted bashes the other one in such an immature way. On every topic of science there is doctors on both sides . ...

By the way I would really like you to start keeping your 2 cents to yourself on my facebook because it is getting neither of us anywhere .

Kelley consider yourself deleted. you will never have to see a post from me again.

Kelley which is a shame, because I do enjoy many of the links you share, but apparently these issues are too volatile.

Roxanne I am sorry that u feel like that's the answer kelley but it seems u only post on links when u want to disagree with them.

Tessa I second that

Now a little background the women who was argueing her point here has been on my facebook many times letting me know it is wrong we dont vaccinate. She has also posted posts about me being uneducated because we believe diffrently.

Your probley wondering like whats your point ? Well I wanted to point out that we each are entitled to our own opinons, we are all entitled to do with our family as we please and there isnt always a need to point out that you do things diffrently, there is always going to be diffrences between you and others and the best thing to do it to learn from each other so you are educated on both sides.

It Has Been...

2009-10-06T11:39:00.000-07:00

Slow with a touch of a nasty cough, sore throat and lots of disney movies . Yes thats right we have been sick . Moms dont really get sick days so I ended up being the sickest but hey Nana ( my mom) came over to help and that is what she did . She cleaned, she cooked and she held an unhappy teething babe.

On a diffrent note we have been making lots of good gluten free treats like snickerdoodle cookies and chocolate chip cookies. Nothing beats cookies and milk on a sick day with a fire.

We had therapy last week at the park and well it went...ok . I mean Riaan was so excited to show R all the cool leafs, toys and rocks. But I am still trying to figure out how this helps him . I am still trying to figure out what guided play means .

This blog is just a little bit of everything ! Hopefully soon we will all feel better and I will be back in action with something better to talk about .

Breakfast Bars

2009-10-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

Laura's Favorite Anytime Cookie

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

3/4 cup raw sugar*
3/4 cup brown sugar*
1 cup almond butter (if you have a nut allergy, you could probably replace with vegan margarine without ill effect)
1 teaspoon vanilla
approximately 2/3 cup applesauce
2 1/4 cups chickpea (or garbonzo, or gram- but not graham) flour**
2 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips or dairy-free dark chocolate chunks***
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup raisins
1 cup sunflower seeds

Mix dry and wet in seperate bowls, then mix together. A food processor or mixer is handy for this recipe.

*You can probably get away with just 1 cup total of sugar, especially if you include the chocolate. It's pretty sweet.

**Chickpea flour is bitter before cooking. This may bother some more than others. I don't notice a beany flavor after cooking, but the raw batter- YUCK! If the chickpea is a problem for you, brown rice flour works as well. But of course, it is higher carb/ lower protein, and has a different texture.

***I recently discovered why some vegans don't use white sugar. Apparently it is frequently whitened with bone-char. I had no idea.

Source of the original recipe, which has been adapted:
http://evesecopinions.com/vegan-recipes/best-gluten-free-allergen-free-chocolate-chip-cookies-chewy-soft-and-vegan/

Pictures to come tomorrow

Developmental Preschool

2009-10-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

I know that we are still 6 months away from this but wow am I scared. We follow a believe in parenting they call attachment parenting, meaning we have unseperating children . Only 2 people besides myself and my husband have ever watched my children . They have never slept away from us and we believe strongly in the importance of acknowledging there emotions and needs.

With that said leaving Riaan with a stranger for 2.5 hours 4 days a week is very scary for me . I know that these people are trained and work well with children like Riaan but the fear is still there . I am scared that if something happens they wont know how to calm him down , recognize his emotions the way he is use to, and get the nurturing he is use to .

I have a dear friend who has a son E who is 4 and is going to developmental preschool. He comes home everyday and screams! He screams to decompress the stress from the school, he is over stimulated and overwhelmed. She handles it with grace and I am not sure if I could .

We were planning on Homeschooling and still plan to but wonder if he goes to this preschool what that means for us . How will affect homeschooling ? Will I be trained to school him ? What if he enjoys it so much he wants to continue ?

I guess the bottom line is this wasnt in the cards for us so now the questions are coming and I feel like I dont know the answers.

Day 24 Gluten Free

2009-10-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

This will be my last Gluten Free day marker . We know that this diet has changed so much for our lives. We see Riaan being more manageable, listening better, not having tantrums, responding to our respectful requests and those are just a few of the improvements.

At this time we are going to keep some dairy in his diet but have decided to start eliminating it . We are going to start slow and see how it works for our family . We currently eat alot of dairy and things such as cheese arent so easily replaced like for the wheat and gluten.

We are happy this his processing of words and communication has improved so much . We hope that things will continue to improve and allow for some much more learning . I have been blessed with new friends on this same diet and they have opened our eyes to see that this is yes a change but it is managable .

Gluten Free Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

2009-09-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

A few of my friends and I wanted to try a new recipe because I seem to be offering Riaan the same foods over and over again . We changed some ingredients to add healthier options such as instead of butter we used cocanut oil and instead of egg we used mashed extra firm organic tofu. These turned out amazing .

Here is the original recipe.

Cream Cheese Topping
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 egg - substitute with flax or egg replacer
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons brown sugar

Struesal Top

4 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour used Pamela's GF baking flour
5 tablespoons white sugar
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons chopped pecans

Muffin Mix

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour used Pamela's GF Baking flour
2 cups white sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 eggs use flax or egg replacer mix
1 1/3 cups canned pumpkin
1/3 cup olive oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease and flour 18 muffin cups, or use paper liners. 2. To make the filling: In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until soft. Add egg, vanilla and brown sugar. Beat until smooth, then set aside. 3. For the streusel topping: In a medium bowl, mix flour, sugar, cinnamon and pecans. Add butter and cut it in with a fork until crumbly. Set aside. 4. For the muffin batter: In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Make a well in the center of flour mixture and add eggs, pumpkin, olive oil and vanilla. Beat together until smooth. 5. Place pumpkin mixture in muffin cups about 1/2 full. Then add one tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture right in the middle of the batter. Try to keep cream cheese from touching the paper cup. Sprinkle on the streusel topping. 6. Bake at 375 degrees F (195 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes.

Six Word Saturday

2009-09-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

" If you Fall Pick yourself Up"

Thats what my goal is for tomorrow. I fell today, I layed around in my pj's feeling bad for myself and my child. Tomorrow I wont be doing that .

Frustration, Anxiety and A Good Cry

2009-09-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

We first got the news that his ears are fine . Then we went to the pediatrician on Friday where she said we need to get in to see a genetic counselor. We need to get lots of blood taken from my 2.5 year old and see what his DNA looks like .

I am flat out nervous, scared and hopeful all at the same time . When he wasn't talking at 2 I never realized it would lead to specialist pediatrician, audiologist, neurologist and genetics testing .

I have seen it written and spoke with mothers about how they grief a lose when there children start this journey, when they know there child is different. That is scary to me . I had a friend share a story with me how in 1st grade she had a kid in her class that would hit his head on the desk. She said there is always one of those kids. I DON'T WANT THAT KID. Is that terrible ?

I was invited to go to * MOCHA* today.Which is a group that is for mothers of children with autism. I couldn't bring myself to go . I wanted to . My gut said go . But the anxiety of admitting that something is wrong with my son is scary.

Tell now I have been so level headed. I have tried to stay positive and remember all I wanted for him was to live a " Normal" life. Well now I am scared he wont get that . I am scared we will not be able to provide things he needs.

I read about these wonderful people with such hard journey's and this sense of peace because of god. Well truth be told I am not feeling that today.

Swine Flu

2009-09-25T12:45:00.000-07:00

Many of you who know me personally know I dont choose to Vaccinate. I am pro-choice in this matter. If you choose to or not that is your personal business and as long as you are educated I support your decision . But to make sure we do know all the facts here is a dcotor on Fox discussing the dangers of this vaccination we know nothing about .

Audiologist

2009-09-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

So we finally had our audiologist appointment and even though I wish somewhere in my heart that something was wrong with his ears there isn't anything wrong . His ears tested in the normal range.

So what does that mean ? He sat great with a strange women in a strange room . I was so proud that the huge bag of things I brought him in case he " freaked out " wasn't needed. I am thankful that the child I once was so nervous to handle and take out is slowly disappearing.

So now what ? We see a neurologist, we see a genetic counselor and we hope and pray everything comes back OK . We pray that he is just a little " special" and that we can stop allowing our minds to wonder to the worst places.

For now we rest ! We play and we cuddle. Because today that is all that matters!Today we may stay in our PJ's all day.Today we will watch to many disney DVD's and today we will just enjoy our journey.

Confessions Of a Nursing Mom

2009-09-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

So I stole this from http://jackiejoos.blogspot.com/. She writes a blog about your journey of learning with her son Logan . If you want to link up please join along. I had a good laugh while reading it .

My confessions are

I drink a coke everyday.

I nurse whenever she wants.

She sleeps in bed with us so I just sleep topless and it makes it easier on both us .

I have actually hung over her infant car seat to allow her to nurse while we are driving.Can you just imagine what the car next to us thinks?

I once pumped and didn't want the milk to go bad so I gave it to my toddler.

I don't eat with a blanket over my head so neither does my baby.

Oh did I mention my husband gets very offended when people think nursing is " weird"! He is my advocate and I love him .

Did you know breastmilk can be used for lots of things ? Like ear infections !

What about you any crazy nursing stories you want to share ?

It Has Been...

2009-09-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

A long day has been today but right now all I wanted to share is what my kids do best, they act like kids.

They watch too much tv, they chew on ducks, they play with toy story figurines, they have dirty faces, they arent always photogenic but most of all they are my kids and I love them .

I have two small children and I would rather sit and play with them then wright a long blog about what I think about politics, babywearing or the problems with Obama's Health care plan.

Not Me Monday

2009-09-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

This week I didn't put Riaan in the bath tub to eat an ice cream sandwich and almost cried once I realized he thought it was a great idea to rub chocolate all over the walls.

I also would never forget to bring an extra pair of pants to the mall with us and after Riaan pee'd on himself we didn't proceed to walk around the mall with him in a diaper, red rain boots and a shirt that said " Rock Star".Nope I have more class then that!

I also would never drink Coke while nursing because caffeine is a big no no...So I didn't have one with lunch then one while walking around Costco and a third large one while we decided to stop for dinner. Oh and we don't eat fast food so we definitely didn't eat Wendy's for dinner. We would never allow Riaan to eat chicken nuggets with wheat breading on them . We are very strict with his diet.

What didnt you do this week?

Comment Issue

2009-09-20T12:22:00.000-07:00

We were having some issues with comments , thanks to the nice women who emailed me about them , we should be up and running . If you have tried to leave a comment and werent able to , PLEASE go back and comment .I love to hear from you .

5 Words

2009-09-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting post when I stopped by Teresa's blog and she was doing a post based on five words she was given. She invited us to play along if we wanted and you know me, the avid gamer, I asked her to send me my 5 words. If you too are interested, leave me a comment and your email address and I too will send you 5 random words.

Play

We love to play around here, we try to use our imagination as much as possible but lately we spend hours playing with Mr.Potato head . I wish more people realized the importance of sitting on the floor with your child and giving them the one on one attention they desire.

Sensitive

The truth isn't always nice ! When I was younger I was too honest, I spoke what I thought and it didn't matter what or who I crushed along the way . Well now I am happy to say I try to be as sensitive as possible because how you and others feel is so important. I also think that you get back what you put into the universe and for awhile I wasn't getting so much good back . Riaan is a very sensitive child and I am always concerned people wont " get " him because of that . My husband is sweet as could be, sometimes too sweet when he needs to speak up and sometimes he lacks sensitivity when I think he needs to show it .

Listen

It is such a learned skill.You have to learn to listen to yourself and too others. I struggle when people just wont listen or budge about an opinion. My husband on the other hand has very selective hearing :)We work on emotions in our home on a daily basis and the more you speak about emotions the easier it is to listen and accept a persons emotion. You learn you cant control emotions of others.

Rain

Home=Rain

We live in Seattle and does it rain . Today is poured and we sat and listened to it at 6am. They didn't have much rain in Virgina and wow did I miss it .

Love=Rain

I have always wanted to dance in the rain. I didn't do it tell I had kids . It is amazing once you become a mother you see love in so many different ways.

Survivor

The show popped in my head right away even though I have never seen even a single episode. In the sadness and the darkness of this world I think we all survive to the best of our abilities. We all have times in our lives we don't want to survive but it is in those moments we show the most strength.

Six Word Saturday

2009-09-19T21:09:00.000-07:00

Our Days are Filled with Laughter

Today we laughed when Riaan put stickers on Lyla's Bum.

Yesterday we laughed when I passed a car going TO fast and Riaan said " WOW" super loud.

Thursday's Top Ten

2009-09-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

What 10 places around where you live would YOU take a brand new visitor to your area?

1. There's a small burger stand in Fall City, you get 3 burgers for 6 dollars and they are as home made as your mother would make .

2. The river * if it is summer* some of the best memories growing up is hanging out down by the river. We now bring Riaan down there to play.

3.The space needle* I live in Seattle you cant miss that

4. Pike place market. If you have never seen someone through a fish it is a truly interesting place.

5. Leavenworth. The whole town is dutch themed. In December they light the whole town with the most amazing Christmas lights.

6.China Town. Most big cities have them but ours has to be the best. With the best flat fortune cookies :)

7.Third place books. It's a book store with both new and used books. It has the biggest selection of books, two floors and hours of looking .

8.Broadway/ university village.People who have never been to Seattle want to see the grunge culture , the music, the tattoo's and the Mohawks. These things can all be found in our house but is every where you look in Seattle.

9. Bastyr university.One of the world's leading academic centers for education, research and clinical service in the natural health arts and sciences, Bastyr continues to be in the forefront of developing the model for 21st century medicine.

10. My home. I love meeting new people and welcoming them into our home to learn about them . There journey.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

We adventured to the local fair here last week and Riaan rode his first ride! I think you can tell by the picture he isnt sure if he is enjoying it or not.

Day 8 Gluten free

2009-09-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

We are still withdrawing I have no doubt but I think we are through the worst of it .

This is what we are seeing

* Better eye contact

* Regular hard stools

* Increase in vocab ( 2 new sounds "B" and "M". When you only have 5 sounds adding 2 is huge)

* Intense tantrums but less frequent

* More affection in appropriate times (ex. when someone leaves, comes home, asks for a hug)

* Intense grinding of his teeth more

* Shorter nap during the day

* Sleeping more at night and falling asleep easier

We are still having daily struggles with things but I find myself seeing hope. I see the changes happening and if nothing else but by chance I will take what I can get.

On a very good note we see the childrens audiologist next Wed. the 23rd for a hearing test and I cant wait . Once we know if he is hearing correctly that will give us so many answers. Friday the 25th we go in for a physical and hopefully discuss more about allergy tests, stool tests, and full blood work .

On the Lighter Side of Things

2009-09-15T23:07:00.001-07:00

On to the lighter side of things....Which is normeally Lyla because Riaan is a whopping 58 pounds !

She has decided she likes to move it move it and is off and ready to crawl at 5 months old . Sometimes I watch her army crawling and moving around the floor and I ask her to stop because she is my baby and I cant allow her to grow up so fast.

I remeber with Riaan I anticipated the first's and when he didnt speak on time people kept reminding me that once he starts they never stop . Well let me tell you what after two years I want to hold a conversation with Riaan I want to hear his emotion, his voice, his excitment and his frustration . Now I hope this little girl doesnt talk tell she is 2 because that will be just another milestone to remind me she isnt a baby anymore .

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 4

2009-09-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

The Immune System and Autism

This was such a long chapter but I really liked how Jenny broke it down so normeal people could read it and understand it .

Here are some points I really think need to be looked at further

* we do not do any routine immune system evalutations on our children before vaccines so there is no proof a normal immune system existend. Why dont we ? If there is so many questions about vaccines why not prove to us mothers who dont want to vaccinate that vaccines dont induce immune dysfunction.

*Best way to improve an immune system is to decrease sugar from there diet

*Well not that I would be wanting to do this but an interesting idea they talk about is giving our children colostrum from an animal because it is rich in immunoglobulins

*Synthetic carpets give off gas toxins that are not tolerated well by children

*Pro-Biotics should be dairy free

Six Word Saturday....on Sunday

2009-09-13T20:14:00.001-07:00

I know I am a day late, I know that it is breaking some rules but hey it is my blog and I make the rules .

"I love you more today Riaan"

As I see Riaan struggling without wheat and when I see him feeling so uncomfortable I realize how much I live this little man. How much I love him more each day because of the struggles we are facing in our journey that we call life.

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 3

2009-09-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Supplements

This really struck with me when they talk about children like mine have such limited diets. Riaan only eats a small handful of foods and the base of all the meals is pasta or bread.Some of the other reasons like history of antibiotics , constipation, failure to trive and low muscle tone dont apply to us . As most of you know I have a very solid 60 pound two year old !

"Vitamins are essential for growth and development. Minerals help them do their job."

Riaan has always been on pro-biotics but wow I had no idea of so many diffrent kids and the importance of them .

B 12

It is used to utilized almost every cell in the body and has a tremndous impact on the nervous system and .gastrointestinal system

They suggest using

Zinc and Selenium

Calcium and magnesium

Fatty acids

Digestive enzymes and protein

Probitoics

I dont know about you guys but reading that list was very overwhelming to me . Knowing that he could be lacking in so many areas was scary . I have added no new supplements to Riaan's diet at this time . I am 1) a strong believer in getting a doctor involved when you start giving our children multiple vitamins because blood should be taken 2) I dont know about you but tackling wheat and gluten right now is hard enough and remebering all of this other stuff might just push me over the edge !

If you do decide to add supplements into your childrens diets I think Healing and Preventing Autism has a great place to start on page 73-77.

Day 4 Gluten free

2009-09-11T17:01:00.001-07:00

Today we see some light at the end of our tunnel . Today was easier, today there was still tantrums, there was soft poo, there was lack of interest in food but at the same time we enjoyed ourselves, we played nice, we had few tantrums and less extreme, we had less poo diapers, and he did eat every bite of his lunch today .

I hope tonight brings good sleep , less body pains and more comfort for my sweet sweet boy.

Theta Mom

2009-09-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit it , I don't do much for myself . Well between 2 babies, 2 in diapers and cloth at that , a whole new diet, breastfeeding and trying to rid the world of people who don't know anything about vaccinations .So anyway this week I spent 2 hours not just 1 but 2 hours by myself * Lyla was in the sling* in a book store! I bought 5 books all of which I am dying to read and am only on chapter 5 in the first book .

So what about you did you spend 1 hour this week to yourself ? Did you do something you just love? or was it just spending some time in a bookstore without a screaming toddler ?

Day 3 Gluten free

2009-09-10T15:23:00.001-07:00

Day three has met us with lots of soft poo and tantrums. We have also noticed an increase in urine with an odor. Oh and lets not forget to mention the poor sleeping and getting up multiple times a night for no reason I can figure out except that we have a new diet and his body is feeling diffrent.

I havent lost faith yet but do hope that things start to mellow out.I can handle bad days but it is hard to have a bad week and have the patience you need.

Here we are at the park just trying to bring some normalcy to our week.

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 2

2009-09-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2 talks about diet and wow we are living this chapter right now . Jenny McCarthy talks about GFCF but that is just to hard for us . We are starting with GF and are hoping for amazing results from going gluten free but are more then aware that we may also have to cut out casein from Riaans diet which will be very hard as that is his main food group .

Gluten and Casein

The goal behind changing deits is to remove chemicals, toxins and potential neurotransmitters, which are liberated when foods are broken down . It has been recorded that 80 percent of the kids with autism seem to respond to elimiting things from there diet . It is possible that child's allergy tests does not come up as allergic to wheat or dairy but its essential to remove these things because things because there bodies are turning them into neurotransmitters that act like opiates in children's brains.

Withdrawal Symptoms

"Your taking a drug away from an addict.They can be irritable, cranky.Their noses can get red and run . They can be more stimmy and throw more tantrums ."

They recommend taking a child off dairy first and going slow so we arent following there guidelines real well . We are taking gluten and wheat away first and we are taking about a week to wean him off .

Our withdrawal symptoms seem to be intense tantrums and frustration as well as last night not sleeping through the night . We are allowing Riaan one item a day with wheat in it and sometimes he eats it and sometimes he doesnt . Riaan has been eating very little since we started this process and refusing even food that is normeal for him such as strawberrys.

Specific Carbohydrate Diet

The Specific carbohydrate diet is another limiting removal diet. This diet consists of meats, eggs, vegetables, nuts and low sugar fruits .

I wish I was this strong but wow this diet is very restricting. I guess if this fails for us this will be our next option to explore.

Going Organic

This was an easy path for us as we ate organic already but we finally did the last push to go compeltely . The pesticides and animal they inject into our foods is just plain scary.

Some great web sites are-

www.gfmeals.com

www.allergygrocer.com

www.gfcdiet.com

Day 1 Gluten free

2009-09-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

Riaan seems to be enjoying the GF foods but it acting absolutely horrible. I do strongly think he is withdrawing for the gluten .I wish so badly I could ask him how he is feeling and he could answer.He is acting out of control and is doing some very uncharacteristic behaviors.

We started the day off with GF waffles and some veggie booty . He enjoyed both and soon wanted a banana . I have read that once you start taking gluten out of your food some children start wanting to eat more .I am not sure if that is whats happening but it seems to be an interesting change of events.

In the early days there is often a "withdrawal" process, because opioid peptides can produce an addictive effect. This is hard to deal with, when your child seems in the early stages to get worse instead of better. Just remember, this is not an indication that the diet isn't working. It may just be withdrawal symptoms. Allow enough time for them to wear off before you give up. In many cases, perhaps most, after a little while, this stage passes and you will start to see positive results.

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism Chapter 1

2009-09-05T23:50:00.001-07:00

I wanted to blog about this while it is fresh in my mind, while I have no distractions and while to be honest I can sit in our office and avoid the house that should be cleaned :)

Chapter 1- What is Autism?

I didn't know to be honest what autism was, I knew about it but I never knew it was that a persons body wasn't processing stimuli correctly .Did you ? For example Riaans pain tolerance is so high and not acknowledging when we are speaking to him .

Stimming

For us stimming isn't an issue but I do wonder where the line is drawn between normal and autistic behavior ? Riaan for instance will play with water or the light switch but when is it to much ? When does switching the light switch up and down become an issue ? 5 times ? 23 times ?

Miracles

As I was reading this I was wondering so many people want healing and miracles to happen and I wonder whats wrong with just good improvement? Isn't that good enough ? Even if I knew where god and I stood a little better these days I will be more then happy and praise his name if he walks us down this road and he chooses just to help us even if he chooses not to preform a miracle.

Physical Pain

This got to me . This brought tears to my eyes . The idea that Riaan was in pain both physically and emotionally and he couldn't tell us . He couldn't communicate with us that something was wrong.

Mercury

Riaan wasn't vaccinated for anything except right after birth he got his first vaccinations . I regret this not because we are now walking down this journey but because that day while having an emergency c-section I was unable to speak my true feelings and protest the shots. For those of you who don't know mercury is a cheap preservative that they allow in vaccinations . Even though most people believe there is none in vaccinations anymore that is incorrect there is just a smaller dose with a different name.Pretty tricky of those pharmaceutical companies huh .

What are your thoughts on vaccinations ? If you chose to vaccinate do you feel like you made the right decision ? Did you have all of the information you needed to make the right decision?

Daily Diary

It will look something like this . I will be starting this on monday .

(scale 1-4, where 4 is the most intense or highest)

Bowel movement (frequency and size)

Supplements (dose and frequency)

Food Diary

Sleep (hours, naps and nighttime)

Rashes

Self-Injurious behavior (frequency and scale)

Evenness of temperament (scale)

Irritability (scale)

Staring into space (scale)

Flexibility (scale)

Without this daily journal you wont know whats working and what isn't, and without this your doctor will have a hard time collaborating with you in this process.

BIO-Healing and Preventing Autism

2009-09-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

Bring It On Book Club

We are reading Healing and Preventing Autism by Jenny McCarthy and Jerry Kartzinel.Please feel free to get this book and read along with us . I have enjoyed this book so much and have so much to blog about I am sure we will be reading this fairly fast with hopes to get to more books full of knowledge.

Forward

Jenny talks about mom radar and wow wow wow it is so true . I have found this our journey I need to convince people he isn't just a slower talker , that these behaviors aren't cute or special. I just want to keep looking I know there is more to Riaan . I can relate so much to what Jenny talks about with her son Evan who has autism.

Intro

It was interesting reading this for us because we never did vaccinate for the MMR shot nor did Riaan ever have a regression with words. For us it seems like Riaan always has done things slower then the normal , it seems like with his vocabulary he continues to add new words but just at a slow rate . I look back and wonder if I could have picked up on the signs earlier because now with Lyla there are amazing differences at just 5 months old.

One thing that really stood out for me in this was how they talk about how pediatricians aren't trained to point out the red flags, how for many years pediatricians would say " oh don't worry they will catch up."It brings me back to wanting to fight for a VBAC . This is another category where the " professionals" are so out of date with the best and newest information they are over looking what they need to be seeing .

We hear about epidemics all the time why aren't we hearing more about the pandemic we are living in right now involving autism ?

Six Word Saturday

2009-09-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

"Please let today get better god"

My day isnt off to a great start, tantrums and yelling have made it for a rough morning around here .

Gluten Free Diet

2009-09-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

We are joining the thousands that are now going Gluten Free. We are hoping it will A) help Riaans behavior, attitude and overall dispostion B) it will allow us to eat healthier as a family C) we are willing to try everything possible to achieve the best situation.

Tomorrow we tackle more grocery shopping and finding a recipe book for this new chapter in our journey . We have chosen to allow casein in our diet still becuase it is a major part of what Riaan eats on a daily basis . I hope after a 3 month trial of this gluten free diet and blogging about changes I notice everyday we will be able to make the best decision then . Either allowing casein in our diets because the improvements have been so great or we willl take it out of our diets with hopes the improvements get more noticable .

Therapy Session # 5

2009-09-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

We had therapy today with Miss "R" and it was so nice when she walked in Riaan gave her a hug and showed her some affection . She brought with her "J" and "L" to discuss autism and behaviours that Riaan does that may be concerning .

I was please to hear him say " WOW" "Woof" and " All Done". That was great for them to see . They also mentioned that they DONT think he is autistic but there is an underlying nuerlogical issue . Is that better ? I am not sure anymore. It does mean I need to get back to that specialist to get another referal this time for a nuerologist at childrens hospital .

I am still waiting to hear when our audiologist appointment is and still no word on how very long the autism clinic's wait list is . I keep hearing how important early intervetion is but then why is all these wait lists and evaluations so booked out ?

Anyway back to therapy. We played and discussed what they thought were good things for us to try such as putting stop signs on things he cant do (ex. the office is off limits so we would put a stop sign on the door . ) They also recommended putting pictures on the fridge so if he needed something he could bring us the picture of the object.

I thought today went well and we are looking forward trying some more signs this week as he has been picking up on them so well .

P.S. Please keep my sweet friend "J" in your prays as she is getting an evaluation for her son "L" today. I hope she gets the answers she is looking for and I hope her son catches up very fast.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-09-02T15:14:00.001-07:00

So We Dont Forget

2009-09-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

Since Lynnette's family is on vacation, she thought it'd be fun to write a memory from vacation. It can be about a particular vacation or even just an event from a vacation. If you haven't been on family vacation (and she know it's not that unusual), just write about something from a little getaway - even if it was only a few hours! :)

I think the best vacation I can remember is from 4 years ago. On February 13, 2007 we were excited to be expecting a little bundle of joy and were planning a weekend getaway to Port Angeles to see my family . I was almost 19 weeks pregnant and we recently had found out it was a boy. Back then I didn't realized babies died, who knew you could have late miscarriages? Not me .

I started bleeding while visiting my mom before our little trip . She suggested we go to the doctor and I remember while they were doing the ultrasound the way this women looked at me . The sympathy in her eyes and I knew something was wrong . That day We lost our baby due to placenta abruption . I know I know how does this have anything to do with vacation but it does so keep reading :)

We had decided to still proceed with our plans for our trip just go a few days later. That trip was the beginning of my healing. The healing my body needed, the healing of knowing real life and things don't always happen the way you think they should .

I look back and remember nothing negative about our loss, I am thankful for the support I had, the love I felt and because of that loss it has shaped so many things . On that trip we met a women who had lost a baby at birth, we met a family who practices Attachment Parenting, we bought a baby carrier I still use , my husband knew my emotions and my soul and he never once judged me for the things I said I needed.

We still every year go to this sweet little bed and breakfast in Port Angeles. Every year we speak to the owner and his sweet little old wife. Every year they hold our children and speak nothing but great things. They make us breakfast and put it by our door and every year we go back and remember what we lost and what we have gained .

Thankful

2009-09-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful....

I am thankful for my brother being ok

I am thankful for a very happy baby

I am thankful for having a husband who loves me

But most of all I am thankful for....

Riaan

My baby Riaan who was only 5 pounds at birth and grew like a weed

No matter what a doctor says it doesnt change the fact we are

Thankful

Appointment Today

2009-08-31T13:52:00.001-07:00

Wow Autism what a scary word when it relates to your own child . The specialist is having us evaluated at an autism clinic but sadly the wait list is long and our minds have nothing to do but wonder.

I wonder if he will live a happy full "normeal" life.

I wonder how others will treat him, I wonder how people will see us .

His hearing seems to by fine, we will proceed with the audiologist still just to be sure.

Please Pray

2009-08-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

Well I will just through it out there the way it is .

I believe in god yes but do I know more then that? Most days no.

I would like to find him in all of his goodness and I would love him to show me the way on my darkest days .

Well today is a very dark day for me .

My sweet brother's birthday, it should be glorious with a bbq and carrot cake but not this year.

He was in a serious car accident and now we are concern something is wrong with his brain . Between the loss of his short term memory and odd behaviors to him calling out of the blue to say he wants to see no one and cancelled an upcoming vacation for labor day .

We are scared for him and hope that he will see what we see .

Please pray he will decide to take us up on our offer of support and that he will go to the doctor like we believe he needs to but is scared due to his financial situation .

So We Dont Forget

2009-08-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

This Week's Topic: What is a favorite "alone time" activity?

As a mom of 2 kids 2 and under the "alone time" is few and far between .As I am exclusivley nursing Lyla there's no " alone time " from her but once a week I do take "Me Time" as we call it around our house . I adventure out with Lyla in a baby carrier and we go get coffee, sometimes do a little shoppping but mostly

I think.

I think alot .

Getting coffee and enjoy talking to strangers who know nothing about me is just a pleasure .

There is no expectations, no heavy duty talks, no concerns expressed and more then anything there is adults to talk to !

I dont know about you other stay at home moms but sometimes I so badly want to have a " grown up " conversation that doesnt evolve my children interupting .

So there you have it in my alone time I want a venti vanilla latte made with organic milk, a nice stranger to talk to and maybe something to shop for . I find I appreciate life so much more when I get away . I find I am so much more patient with my kids and my husband .

Mcklinky Blog Hop

2009-08-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

You might be a redneck if...Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Theres a new country song about beer bellies and I just couldnt help it! My brother is a self-proclaimed redneck and I know he likes beer bellies.

Therapy Session # 4

2009-08-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

After some changes in the seasons of our lives I am back updating my blog . I am happy to let you all know that Riaan has been making some leaps and bounds towards our goals.

He has taken to us using signs so well . He will know sign "more","all done", and "eat".I hope this week he will pick up on bath, cup and stop.

Besides just signs Riaan has added some words to his vocab and has been trying to communicate to the best of his ability. For many two year old's saying "Yum Yum" or " Wow Wow" wouldnt be a moment to rejoice but around here that is what we did ! WE REJOICED. We rejoiced in the fact he is adding to his vocab, we rejoiced for the fact that therapy has been seeming to help and we rejoiced to see the happiness on Riaans face when he saw how happy we were when we heard his voice .

Our goals are to continue to sign with him and get him into an audiologist this month. Monday we will go to a pediatrician with hopes to get some things cut off of the list of possibilities.

Therapy Session #3

2009-08-10T19:27:00.000-07:00

So "R" came again today and was pleased with some of Riaans new "THINGS".He has began to say "wow wow", for those of you with kids I am sure you will know the show Wow Wow Wubbzy.So thats where he got it . She is also please he has started saying all done and signing more .

Our new goals are including the sign for bath and eat . I hope that both will be able to help us communicate better with him . If he is able to communicate eat with us we will be better prepared with knowing he is hungrey . He has recently been very upset when we get into the bath so we are hoping that preparing him with a sign he wont be feeling so frustrated.

Still waiting on insurance and referrals for things lets hope it is all done soon .

Over the Years

2009-08-09T23:01:00.001-07:00

Wow what a week and weekend ! Life has became diffrent, surprising, and beyond all we are starting a new journey . A journey of being sober. Not me, I am already ! But sweet Miss "A".

Background :

Miss "A" and me have been friends since we were 14.

My brother was her brothers best friend.

My mom was her moms best friend.

Fast Forward 8 years

Sweet "A" is in a bad relationship.

She is doing heroin .

She is calling crying .

My brother rescues her from herself and gets her clean.

Present

She is sleeping on my couch.

She is eating my food .

She is playing with my kids .

She is needing help.

So there it is.I am without many words.I took in an old friend who had no where else to go . I would hope someone would do the same for me .

All Natural Cleaners

2009-08-07T23:16:00.000-07:00

I hate cleaning, I do .But one thing I do love is making my home safe by using non-toxic cleaners and laundry soap . We recently have realized we spent over 200.00 last year on organic products for cleaning . Since there is no way I can justify spending that my goal was to cut my cost in half while still finding clean counters, toilets and floors in my home .

Today I got a call from my dear friend " J" wondering what products we used. We recently have turned her on to DR.Bronners soap ( if you haven't used it you must ) and so she was curious .

So my non-toxic recipes will follow.

All-Purpose Cleaner:

Mix 1/2 cup vinegar
1/4 cup baking soda (or 2 teaspoons borax)
1/2 gallon (2 liters) water

Use on anything . The smell isn't great and some people like to add some essential oils to hide the vinegar smell . I don't personally but feel free.Also using a microfiber rag lifts dirt and grease really well . You buy these rags in the car department, I also use them to stuff my pocket cloth diapers, wipe kids faces and wipe spills!

Laundry Soap

Mix 1 cup Ivory soap (or Fels Naptha soap)grated
1/2 cup washing soda
1/2 cup borax

Use 1 tbsp for light loads; 2 tbsp for heavy loads. I have never used it but some people love Kiss My Face brand 100% olive oil bar soap grated for this as well . The options are endless but the more natural of soap you use the more all natural laundry soap you have.

There is so many different cleaners and recipes out there but I find that a good all purpose cleaner is just that all purpose . I dont need nor want 30 bottles around of cleaner.

Now I haven't found a great toilete bowl cleaner so I am still buying that so if you have a recipe to share please do .

Some of my Favorite Things

2009-08-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

*The way Lyla will just wake up and smile

*Cherry blossoms

*The way Riaan now runs to me to kiss his boo boo's

*When a stranger asks how your day was because they really care

*When you let someone over while driving and they wave

*Seeing people singing while driving

*Swimming on hot days

*My husband calling just to check in

10 things you may not know about ME

2009-08-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

1.) I had my first baby at 19 but was far from a teen mother . We co-slept, I nursed him for as long as possible and cloth diapered.

2.) I would stay in my PJ's all day even if I had to go somewhere.

3.)I dont clean my house tell about 30 minutes before my husband gets home !

4.) I had my second baby at 21 by VBAC and was planning a home birth .

5.)I have recently found the love of pictures and wish I had a better program to play around with them .

6.)We are most defiently having more kids, just not 2 years apart again .

7.) I love everything about cherry blossoms, the color and the way they look and I hope to paint them on the wall of Lyla's room some day .

8.)Both my kids still sleep in bed with us at night .

9.) I hate everything about doing laundry and putting it away .

10.) my mom comes over to my house on weekends to have sleepovers to hang out with my kids .

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

I thought you knew better

2009-08-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I am very against any form of physical punishment to our children . Even time out is rare in our home. Yesterday at the park a women I have only met one other time proceeded to hit her 10 year old daughter! "T" as we will call her made her poor daughters lip bleed and in the moment all I could say was her name.I was disgusted appalled horrified but in the moment I couldn't think of what to say, if it was appropriate to say anything . I was just plain old shocked and without words . After getting home and processing the situation , realizing her lack of empathy, compassion and regret towards her own daughter I made the decision to call CPS.

I know some of you are thinking wow that was harsh but if you could have only been there to see this poor little girl . The tears rolling down her face and the terror she showed.After calling I turned on the radio and it was a song called " concrete angel" it is by a contry singer by the name of Martina McBride .If you have never heard it, it is about a little girl who dies at the hand of a parent. It was god telling me I did the right thing . I did what I knew in my heart somebody needed to .

I thought she would know better not to inflict pain on her own child . I thought I did the best thing I could .

Not My Child

2009-08-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not My Child! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

So this week while we were visiting my mother , Riaan didn't pull the fire alarm ! The fire station didn't have to come to double check everything was OK....There wasn't multiple women outside waiting for the fire men to see if they were good looking and I defiantly wasn't so embarrassed when the fire department showed up they didn't have to comfort me and tell it happens all the time !

Riaan also was NOT clever enough to pull our dinning room table chair outside so he could turn the bbq on . I was watching him closer then that ! I wouldnt be blogging or anything .

World breastfeeding week

2009-08-03T16:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.worldbreastfeedingweek.org/

As a mom who nursed 1 son into toddlerhood and another now nursing at 4 months and going strong I felt like this was so important to post . Please take the time to read there website and consider what they have to say .

Therapy Session #2

2009-08-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

So this week we had miss "R" come over for therapy . She was pleased with our progress in getting Riaan to sit at one toy for 2 minutes . One of our goals is getting Riaan to show more patience and improve his attention span . We have worked this last 2 weeks on offering Riaan a book and then trying to keep him interested . In the past we would get through one page and he would move on or stalk some blocks, knock them over and move on.

The next two weeks we are working on patience . For instance when he is in his booster seat at meal time when he is done he will start to throw food or start shrieking like a banchi to get down . We will use our " words" with him and remind him we will come to him when we can . We will start with adding 1 minute at every meal time of him needing to use patience and waiting for us to come to him.

Our biggest struggle right now is that he is so vocally loud when he is wanting or needing something but because he doesnt have any words , he just yells .

We are also going to introduce more signs into our daily lives such as....

More

Finish

We hope this week the referral for the child audiologist will come so we can take the next step for his hearing . We are also waiting for the nuerologist as the wait list is 9 months .If you feel this on your heart please take the time and pray that these things will happen fast.

Six Words Saturday

2009-08-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes we need to love more "

HOTT HOTT HOTT and a little babywearing too!

2009-07-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

And no I am not talking about a person or thing !

It was the hottest day in Washington state history. We reached 106 degree's today and now at 11:30 I am still awake because why......? It is still 86 Degrees.

I am missing Virginia's air conditioners right now .

We spent a great day swimming, snacking at the beach and swimming some more .

I bought a water sling for Lyla to be worn in just like this one , it is made out of mesh .I loved it . Babywearing is for another post someday soon but I do love to wear my babies .

I lied lets talk about babywearing now . Did you know babies that are worn in a baby carrier such as a sling learn more,get "humanized" earlier,cry less and can nurse easier on demand ?

I strongly believe The womb lasts eighteen months: Nine months inside mother, and nine months outside.

Did you know Babywearing is convenient? How often do you wish you had free hands with an infant around ? With a carrier you can tend to your baby and go about your day .

Did you know Babywearing makes sibling care easier? As a mother of two children under 2 I know how hard of an adjustment it was and without my sling I couldnt have managed it at all . Not to mention how terribly heavy infant carseats are !

A dear friend of mine "J" has recently found the love of an ergo . I am so happy that I could introduce her to this amazing gift of babywearing .

She has this one isnt it so cute !Some moms find ergo's easier...I mean come one anyone could do up two buckles .

Wikipedia has a great write up on the benefits of babywearing. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babywearing]

1.Mothers' progesterone (mothering hormone) is increased through physical contact with the infant, leading to a more intimate maternal bond, easier breastfeeding and better care. Thus lowering incidence of postpartum depression and psychosomatic illness.
2.Infants who are carried are calmer - all their primal/survival needs are met: caregiver can be seen, heard, smelled, touched, tasted, fed (breastfeeding mother) and motion necessary for continuing neural development, gastrointestinal and respiratory health and to establish balance (inner ear development) and muscle tone, is constant.
3.Infants IQ and brain mass are measurably greater. When primal needs are met, babies spend more time in a quiet state of attentive alertness, ideal for learning - rather than in a panicked survival mode.
4.Infants are more organized; parental rhythms (walking, heartbeat, etc.) have balancing and soothing effects on infants.
5.Infants are "humanized" earlier by developing socially; babies are closer to people and can study facial expressions, learn languages faster and be familiar with body language.
6.Developmental milestones such as learning to walk, talk and toilet train are reached earlier.
7.Contrary to western cultural myths, independence is established earlier.
Aggression is diminished.

I may add a WARNING " becareful wearing your baby is addictive, you will soon want diffrent carriers for diffrent outfits, moods, and locations. Dads will want to get in on the babywearing as well so he will also require a dad approved carrier like seen below"

These are of "S" wearing baby Riaan at 12 months on his back in an ergo .FYI Riaan was about 30 pounds .

Chances are.....

2009-07-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

..If you walk into my house you will trip over a toy

..Riaan will be standing way close to the tv

..I will be cooking something organic

..Lyla will be naked Rolling around the floor

..There will be a few dirty cloth diapers laying around

..If stephans watching tv I wont be

..I will still be in my PJ's

..If you see me out I will be the only mama with a baby in a sling and toddler with a mohawk

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-28T21:19:00.000-07:00